by chee rabbits

Greenwich Mean Time

well, quite a week. i was electrocuted, i woke up in a wood pile, lost and found, + it was my birthday.

i’d like to apologize for the poor material last week, the entry was as damaged and poor as i was drunk and damaged. i fell right on my back that night like a slapstick actor, the world turned black and white for a moment and there were title cards and bruises and scratches on both sides. i ate a big fish, too. but it didn’t satisfy my hunger for a big fish. big fish shaped big hole in my big belly remains.

Monday was a day of rest. i spent all of it sleeping in various top living room spots. On my back on the floor with my legs up on the couch was the most rewarding by rest. Tuesday we got ingredients and cooked a nice meal. Then we hit the Witch’s Ball, a bar that’s been open since the 1400s and serves the same regulars. We had jägereggers. It’s like a jägerbomb but the red bull’s subbed out for a pickled egg. pickled jaegg. awful. drank 2 of them. zaina ate a dog biscuit and locked me out of the house. i got lost trying to find the back door and climbed up something tall and thought “if i slip from here i might well die” but i don’t remember anything about it. i don’t remember getting home but eventually i did, i understand i’d been unkind in my wet and frozen drunkenness and haven’t drank since except the next day.

Wednesday good enough, uncertain, peaceful, good yes good. We get a big fish at the Coast. It was lovely, Hake. Prepared very well, but i still have a hankering. I drink two beers there and then we stop by the Top House Inn and Ethan informs me i’d been discovered out the back in a woodpile. I don’t finish the drink there, we go home and we watch television until it’s bed time.

Thursday I watch American Conspiracy: The Octopus Murders and I make a kind of chili kind of thing with rice and then we go on a walk to Kynance Cove which is truly beautiful. And muddy. Truly muddy. A man with a dog says “right on” and we stomp through mud and pony shit. I’m wearing slip-ons. I have waterproof boots back in the apartment. Why I didn’t wear those?

So we go down by the water where it’s incredibly beautiful and we go for a walk in the hills up wooden stairs and stairs of stone and climb over little fences and follow yellow arrows with little acorns on them as best we can. but sometimes the arrows are pointing at each other or contradicting one another. Pointing at the sky or sea. We come to a clearing with no exit, mud and hard bush and nettles in every direction. My feet are caked, so are Zaina’s socks and sneakers. We turn back, it’s somehow muddier now.

There’s so much mud in the middle of it. I get up on the other side of the cleft and with meticulous precision i place heel after toe, heel after toe until i’m far enough along to rest my hand on the hard bush with its thorns (now dead and rendered harmless). Lending it my weight, I pivot with perfect grace bringing my foot across the muddy split to rest on the base of the other side. Then I slip and fall and land with both feet in the mud, stumble and grab hold tight of a young living bush and get cut and bleed and Zaina laughs so hard she pees a bit. A few minutes after this I'm electrocuted by a fence “meant for keeping out cows” which she enjoys not just in the moment but for every moment thereafter, spontaneously bursting into laughter about it at any given hour of the day or night. Nothing has ever brought her the kind of sustained joy and happiness of having watched me be electrocuted in a field at the very edge of england.

That night I book a train away from Lizard, out of Cornwall. We spend a lovely day on Friday travelling and laughing and eating McDonalds and getting lost. Eventually through to Redruth, on the bus/rail replacement service. We get to Plymouth. The Duke of Cornwall Hotel. A lovely evening of merriment and joy.

On my birthday we walked all over the Hoe area. Beautiful, got splashed by the sea. Ate well. I finally ate the fish that filled my fish hole at Rockfish. We had what felt like several wonderful days yesterday. There was cheese and a bubble bath.

Sunday we travelled back to London. It’s been lovely. At home now tidying up and sleeping.

Greenwich Mean Time

last week? the last week. this week? lizard.

i miss living so little that i wrote so much, or visa versa. i miss you, pretty girl.

i'm proud of him for doing that, i'm proud. it hurts. it's hard when the last person you'd want to is the only person who does.

it feels wild, every time. i can't believe it, ever. time won't exist then, yellow bodies turned inside out. yellow baby, promises, only in your head.

some things, if you do not write them now,,, those'll never beeeeeeeeeeee wrritttttenll

chicken's next to me now looking so vibrant that i'm forcing myself awake to keep myself awake enough to write enough.

she just started a little jazz. it's good. i think it's, like, arabic jazz. it's pretty and certainly makes it easier to keep typing. parts of my body feel spent by now. we came down on the train (the strrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

woops

damn lol i'm so sleepy. it gets late so early in winter. it gets early morning so late in cornwall. we got the sleeper train down. at 8am in redruth everything was still ice cold shut. in the event of the redruth market with hthe music playing from the radio and then a full english rekfast. still.

we walked all over the peninsular. it's so pretty by the water where everything ends. it's cute. the witche's ball is all full of people who are comfortable at the end of the earth. england. southerly point.

i had a religious experience by the refrigerator, thinking about how it's important to find somewhone who'll see the slices of life with you... or the shapes... or the types of life with your... or the rhymes, or rhythmes... or something. i can't remember anymore. the door cracked, like someone pulling on the handle. we freaked out. i locked it, closed the curtains. i chilled out, she's still a little scared.

met thurston in the witch and ball. met martin who thurston'd researched and learned that his dad met Haile Selassie who bought em two vanilla ice creams. i don't know. there's the bottom of england. this is where the tarot cards were painted and they know it.

anyway. train. between imbolc and equinox can be hard. wompy wheels, wompy wheels, wompy fucking wheels. we are in cornwall, i am a nightmare disaster it's hard being like i am . but maybe things can be good eventually. we took that bus, that train. maybe it can be good. it was very special watching the fields movies together.

the week will be good, lots of new music and dumb ass nonsense waking up on the floor. i'm looking forward to all of it. xxx

accessible bathroom, redruth. lizard peninsula compliment from konnie huq. deluge, facts. 10 shortbreads. spingo, spingo, spingo. facts, no doubt.

it took 3 hours to get to the coöp. and finally i have cereal, i've eaten a whole box with milk in the middle of the night. can i stay drunk that long?

Greenwich Mean Time

did you know that people go on youtube to try to hypnotize themselves into being rich https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzAycrb3Rmw

Greenwich Mean Time

i had walentine's day off, and i decided to get drunk and go for an adventure. i ate some wheat, foolish me. feel like i've been poisoned! hungover for days. hahaha. oh well, oh well. fever, clog and doubt. i hope we're all learning some lessons.

why are half the youtube videos in my next up a man looking somber into the camera with his hands clasped with the caption “Why I stopped eating rice krispies after midnight”. 
staring at me with the eyes of an apology video “Why I’ll never look at the moon again”

my op-1 field started dying, gotta send it back to Sweden. i tried to fix it and made it worse. i'll be getting something new for our trip to Lizard. it's next friday. the next update will come from the bottom of england's tail end.

watching some recently uploaded rap battles. soul khan still has it.

it's so much work to figure out who you are. when something is so beautiful that you can't quite express it, that's about as good as you can feel. i watched all of this man's videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSpl4DVFsQU. i really highly recommend it. they are strange and unspeakably beautiful. i am in love with this man.

my days and nights have been spent organizing samplepacks and making multisample synths and kits so that when i get the Synthstrom Deluge i will hit the ground running. i've forked the firmware and added a patch.

that balance between what you need and what you want... that's hard, but it's nothing compared to balancing your short term from your long.

i joined the discord voice chat dev huddle for the Deluge open source project. it seems very cute. i'm a really big fan of these people, and of this software and hardware. many are trannies.

i’ve learned that if you believe that everything will turn out well then in the bad times you're like “that’s ok! i’m just getting to the good times!" and in the good times you say “hell yeah! told you so!”

tonight i went out for a walk with a microphone. i needed to pee so i hopped on a train. i hopped off at the next station. i played the piano. i met a man who'd once successfully pleaded not guilty against charges under the obscene publication act. he didn't introduce himself to me that way, but i independently learned that to be true. he was very kind and interesting and friendly and i promised to come over to his house and make him a cup of tea. he will introduce me to his pianist. and i finally went to Lebanese Express #1. fine vine leaves at that restaurant.

and it's hard to give somebody what they need if it isn't what they want. or what you want.

i hope i'm well enough to work tomorrow. but if i'm not well, well, that'll work.

it's 1am, by mistake. i'll eat a little snack and drink a little more and then wake up where i'm sitting now. this weeks' gonna be stupid but next week'll be fire.

Greenwich Mean Time