having a little think about bigglywinks
having a little think about bigglywinks
week 37; 2022
welcome!
hello!!!
i took some time off last week to drink and make music. some of it is good so far, but i'm still trying to figure out how to achieve this particular sound i've been trying to figure out since i was like 17. it's so hard. i don't know exactly how to make it sound like it might fall apart but that it's like that on purpose, not by mistake. it's a style i spent many years cultivating with acoustic instruments but i've only very rarely been able to make it work in combination with electronic sounds. i guess the percussion is part of where it goes wrong. i guess as well that maybe i need to try doing it without sequencing anything at all actually, and playing everything live in layers and stitching it together later. it's very hard to make a shambles. does anyone know where i could get just a little more talent? i don't need much! just a little bit!
i met some random person who was walking around london on acid and i hung around with him while he wandered the city for a while. we parted ways at some point, not sure when.
i went to see stewart lee at the greenwich comedy festival. it was great. afterwards i had a nap in the street. it's strange how the let those people queueing for the queen sleep on spare trains. turns out letting people with nowhere to stay sleep in spare trains overnight was always an option?
apart from making music and drinking tequila and beer i've been tidying my apartment a lot over and over and over, rearranging some furniture, and watching silly movies from the 90s.
for a while yesterday i had no anxiety at all and i tell you what it was wonderful. i was like another person, i felt like i was on acid the whole time, it was a beautiful experience.
i found a real cute landscape painting in the street, a painting of of llamas on a farm in ecuador, and it's in my house now on my mantel. it's lovely. there was a lamp there too. i need a lot more lighting and also i need some foam. i'm thinking of trying to pick up a little divider so i can partition off my desk area to make it feel like another room.
anyway. let's make a grilled cheese and drink 12 stellas.
sometimes i'm afraid to go to sleep because i know i'm going to wake up tomorrow
a different person i don't know what ways i'll be different. i know i'll have a
different set of interests but i don't know if that set will contain the project
i started working on tonight. i wish i could rely on myself to be there
tomorrow, but i never can. i have a choice to be okay with letting it go, or
locking in on it until the thing is done. locking in and staying up means an
inferior result compared to if i got a night's sleep, but it's better than the
thing that never got made. it's a gamble, and i have never learned in all these
years to predict or even guess at the outcome. tonight i'm going to try
ordering a hot dog, drinking some 0% chocolate milk, 2 beers and finish as much
as i can before i pass out (which i'm not going to try to delay in any way) and
we'll see how that approach works. i'll be sad if this doesn't get done because
i spent _hours_ developing material for it.
going back to they/them pronouns
reverting to they/them pronouns. please update your address book
it’s just too intimate being referred to in gendered terms by most people
also fine with “it”. name only is also great
couple of nights ago i went for a nap in the street and people kept waking me up
to ask me if i was alright and if i needed anything. can't stop thinking about
it, there are homeless people all over london. are they being woken up asked
that? i was fine, just tired. then they let all those people in The Queue'en
sleep in spare trains? i don't know. anyway.
remember when Apple shipped a version of Safari where reversed arrays stayed
reversed after a page refresh lol