I’m happy. i’m happier so much happier to be alive.

It feels like Spring is here already.

I felt well enough to work this week and actually did some real stuff, which is nice. Was hoping to attend boardgames on Wednesday but was not feeling well enough for that and instead I stayed home with the shits. I let my blood sugar get too high at the start of the week because I couldn’t stop eating hot dogs. It’s very unpleasant to feel all boiled up in sugar, all your organs like copper pennies in a glass of coke.

Somebody used my Monzo bank card to gamble a hundred pounds on a website called 888Sport. I reported it to Monzo and they said this:

Unfortunately this isn’t something we’re able to treat as a fraudulent transaction and because of this we won’t be able to reimburse you for these charges. This decision is based on the data we have available to us and the timeline of transactions on your account is suggesting it’s not possible for these transactions to have been authorised by anyone else.

Monzo

then they told me to talk to 888Sport about a refund. I explained that I’ve never used any gambling websites, that it wasn’t me so their data is wrong, asked why I didn’t have to confirm the charges with that Mastercard ID thing, and that it’s messed up that their response to a report of fraud is to tell me to sort it out myself. They said “sorry if this isn’t the outcome you hoped for”. So i’ve taken all my money out of Monzo and moved it to Chase which i didn’t know had accounts in the UK. Banking directly with JP Morgan, lol. too big to fail baybeee

Thursday I woke up and got up at around 7.m. for the first time in months; the sky was bright blue, not the sickly blue of winter, and i felt that gentle agitating feeling just under my skin that usually means Spring is coming. I could really tidy up my flat or file a pull request under a sky like that. I ate eggs and salad all day to try to reduce the damage the hot dogs and the unexpected delivery of potatoes would cause to my eyeballs. On Thursday evening I took ketamine and wrote a song and had an hour long phone call with Christabel and slept well.

I spent most of Friday reeling from learning that Twitter has NFTs, PayPal lets you buy Cryptocurrency and we as a people are really letting the blockchain websites call themselves web 3.0. the indieweb should be web 3. it’s decentralized, builds on top of the current web, is about community, and uses the capitalist web as one of many optional transport systems. blockchain isn’t even the web, lol, it’s Internet. I can’t believe people, even some people on the left, seem to think there is a future in thinking of everything and everyone as a financial instrument. everyone’s favourite scheme is the ponzi scheme. i guess it’s the tech version of what we are all doing, commodifying our every experience and every emotion. On brand.

Though once that passed, I thought a lot about how funny it would be to camp out at a specific spot in London to tell the same bad joke over and over to strangers. I think the underlying concept probably came from that episode of Seinfeld where George goes back to the matinee showing of a movie about the Hindenburg so he can shout “that’s gotta hurt!” again, which made people laugh when he did it the first time. Next weekend perhaps I’ll spend a day beside the escalator in the underground pointing at the sign with my thumb and saying “but i don’t HAVE a dog! ha haha”.

On Saturday I dropped acid and tidied my apartment.

2:12p.m. <chee> drop acid and tidy the apartment is among the best ideas i've ever had
2:21p.m. <chee> why do productivity blogs never give you simple useable tips like drop acid and tidy the apartment?
...
3:53p.m. <chee> ok it turns out there are some drawbacks from a pure productivity standpoint, but

My apartment is nice and tidy now, and i went on a lovely long walk and practiced some watercolour brush techniques and wrote some music. I changed the strings on my guitar while on the phone with Christabel in the evening, and then later I put some chords to the song I wrote on Thursday. It’s funny, I haven’t really written a song in years now. That was part of me that was switched off during the last thing. Don’t know why or how I do that thing where I switch parts of myself off. I think I’m done with relationships forever. Friendships only from here on out. It was really a strange sensation, because once I’d figured out the chords I played it once and it sounds exactly like a chee rabbits song. It was like finding a new single by someone you listened to years ago except it was coming out of the fingers, very strange sensation. I haven’t listened to chee rabbits in years.

When you open the windows in this apartment the birds are so loud and friendly, and the bells from the Church ring through the room. It’s great. There’s a rave about an hour away on the bus I could go to, should I? I already decided not to last night then again at 9a.m.. I guess if I record a demo voice memo of the song, and paint this picture, then I could go. The only other thing on my todo list for today is get to sleep before midnight.

When I looked at this number i was legit like “Hark!”

You know when you look at a sigil and you’re like “Hark” i mean got damn.

anyway,

Hark this: I’m better than I’ve ever been. If you were worried: thank-you; but, that’s over now.