I'm sitting on the red sofa at the back of the warehouse writing now. The house is mostly still and mostly dark. Dark but for one warm light hanging above the kitchen. Still but for the sound of the shower, a television behind a closed door, and the occasional clack of metal against ceramic. Sergio is back with pizza and a treat for the dog.

I'm jumping in my seat. Little pinches from the inside making my unslept body flinch and jitter, jitter and flinch.

Shortly after close of business last Sunday, I received an instagram DM. "Would you be interested in coming to a Psytrance festival in Portugal for 7 days? 🤣🤣🤣". Imagine that, jaja. Going to Portugal for a week to a Psytrance festival. Jajaja.

I was at a conference for work most of the week. On Tuesday I listened to Psytrance on purpose and enjoyed it. On Tuesday night Ruxi and me stayed up til 5am talking about Boom. Maybe. Maybe we'll go. I bought a hammock. Just in case.

On Wednesday night I stopped in at The Railway on the way home to pee. On the way to the bathroom, met a very fun person at the bar by the name of Lily. We got on very easily, and were extremely annoying together. It was fun, we chatted for about 2 hours. I laughed until there were tears. We pretended, for a while, that we were trapped in an escape room together. Looking for 3 keys, typing codes we'd discovered into the credit card machine, asking customers "are you a clue?". Very annoying to be around, extremely fun to be part of.

Thursday I booked 3 weeks off, booked flights to Portugal, got a ticket to Boom. The cheapest way for me to get tickets was a Business Class flight on British Airways with all my unused airmails. 11 pounds. It'll be the first time I ever fly Business Class. Then I'll sleep in a hammock for a week.

Friday I started getting ready.

Saturday was a slow day, I tidied up a bit and made a chili. I tried getting tipsy, but it wouldn't take. Damian told me there's a party at the warehouse tonight. Opened a few coronas. Drank a little tequila. No take, no vibe. Ruxi got on a plane. I had a shower, got dressed, got packed. Ruxi landed in Luton and we raced each other to the warehouse. Got the vibe.

Thing is, I'm just a very weird person with an inability to regulate my intensity. When I can see something good on the horizon, I just want to skip to the end. It was a good night. It started around 3am. There was a lot of dancing, 4 parties. We made our own party too. Damian was on the decks and he came to me and said "I want to a party", so I went out to the street and gathered a Mexican man and a German lady and some other folks and brought them in to dance and chat. I sat and played the piano for the German lady, she plays the violin, it helped her relax enough to book an uber she never took. There was some acoustic music in the street. I played the guitar. It was a good party. I took plenty of phone numbers and Instagram handles of people I'll probably never speak to again. I was so happy sometimes. Brimming with it, overflowing.

Towards the end of the Sunday night me and Ciara and Ruxi were waiting for some food to arrive. It was going to be here in 10 minutes for four hours. Things got dark and shaky. Doubt, anxiety. Really a bad idea to stay up that long and not eat. 100 hours of waking time between the three of us. I'm too much. I feel like some of my shine has worn off. I feel like I should never have come.

At midnight the warehouse was lit like a scene from The Godfather, that one orange light above the kitchen table. Knock on the door. He came in and said "Rabbit. Help me put these things up on the table like it is a banquet." He handed me two pizzas and a Pizza Hut dessert. From his bag he passed a family-sized galaxy chocolate, a bottle of merlot, a bag of mini teasers, a kilogram of ketamine, a liter of GHB and 8 kinder buenos. Ruxi came out of the shower and sat in the middle. I sat at the head of the table. He said "This is how it will be. I will marry Ruxi and you will be our pet rabbit."

In the morning Damian and me went for a lovely walk in Finsbury Park before I headed in to work. We're going to Boom. I'm buzzing.