strangely empty building. never seen another soul who seems to live here. just that ghost who haunts the elevators. we let a guy in who was delivering a package one time. he dropped it at the mailboxes on the ground floor then got into the elevator with us. he pressed 3, we pressed 4. when we got to floor 3 he stepped out, looked around and got back into the elevator with us. he seemed to apologize, i’m not sure if he made a sound but he moved his body like he was speaking. it was tense between 3 and 4.

these valleys below my eyes are turning into canyons.

on jan 8 i wake up at 4am fully refreshed. zz stayed up late night writing. it’s bitterly cold, she wrote about the cold. the radiators have never worked in this place. have to call somebody. there’s a bus in thirty minutes and until then there is this cold. there’s a thermostat in the hallway, i turn it to thirty, nothing changes. there’s a cupboard in the hallway behind the coats, i’ve never opened it, i’ve never seen anyone open it. inside i find a white panel. on the panel i see a little drawing of a radiator. next to the little drawing of the radiator is a button. next to the button is the word “OFF”. there’s also a little drawing of a tap beside the word “AUTO”. i remember that zz told me that sometimes the water is hot, and sometimes it is cold. the heating never works, the water is sometimes hot and sometimes cold. this is consistent with my findings. i press the button beside the radiator. the house growls into life. i go from radiator to radiator turning their valves until they hiss and gurgle happily and obediently, as ready as any of us to be hot and to be warm and not cold.

the bus is in five minutes now. i know that door is a one way road until zz wakes up since i lost my key fob. but this is the best use of our time. she’ll wake up to new heat, i’ll collect my eggs and collect my cheese. get some clothes and a speaker. charge my headphones.

no one else is ever here
except that old woman
who haunts the elevators 
and that young woman
with the sandwich
who i didn’t ever see again 

WFZ week except for Tuesday. we were productive and drank tea with mint and ate very well. i baked a cake for zz’s brother on friday. a sweet banana cake with a sour cream chocolate icing and pretty strawberries.

Saturday was emotional and difficult at times, but sweet and important too. We went to the Horniman museum to look at all the dry animals, and we went to the Planetarium to look at all the far stars, and we ate mushrooms and talked deeply and held each other and cried.

i am happy.