hello

it’s me

the same rabbit as before

first day, second day. it’s okay that you don’t just because i do, and it’s okay that you don’t, because i do. it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay. it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay.

lights off, machine talk, night space, pre-watch. not raedy, not ready, not ready, not ready. midnight, one-two. testing, want to. sleeping, waking, all day, working, round and round and round and round. and it’s good now, quick dips and repair on the go. bipedal repair kit.

get up there and tell them. they ought to know. little naughty animals. next year, next year, next year, next year. who knows. sometimes. scraps from the table. this land, your land. pickled blood. i’ve a reason. a little salt. and not just that, but every day. potassium.

everything down on paper. paper is plastic, acrylic and pens. i’ll keep standing up, i guess. everything down. does it help? there’s a lot of it. the next part matters too. that would help. fusion, vision, future, fission. not because of that, but independently in response to that. like end of winter. pickled blood. a little nitrate. leafy grebes. starling, shrike. murderous shrike, head on a spike. painting of a warbler impaled on a thorn by an iberian shrike in the winter.

“whose side are you fucking on”

“oh my god i am so sorry”

don’t you apologize to this man, tell him he’s a cunt, tell keith he’s a cunt!

✅ highlight mentions

✅ highlight moments

✅ highlight breakfasts

radiate. or, i guess, emanate. waves. light, pouring out. rippling through. glow, shiver. doing okay? good, thanks. everything out on the table. does it help? there’s a lot of it. the next part matters too, it could help. nobody wants it? i’m partially undone. take it slow. break for lunch. queens. space. good thing. close up shop. nap time. dinner, trapped. happy. glad to be. share a secret, just a moment. building tension, walking bass. blood like apricots. washing faces, locked in place, softer, weaker, seventh seal or those are only there to make you feel better. have you seen this bird? that’s… a… cocktail tastes like popcorn paste the sun sets orange misty dark and hazy lilac crescent moon and darkened windows leaning back like overground and lower stakes and higher spirits churches basements jazz piano. and, it’s the fortnight after one piece torn and red and yellow tearing. string lightly held between the teeth. but not that, eactly. just, “tss-ts ts-tss-ts ts-tss-ts ts-tss-ts”, snare drum rattling, cow bell. i mean, it’s the story, all these strands over and over. that’s how, is what i mean. yes, just like that with leaves and trees. just like that. each one is all the other ones.

rar, but did i remember to write it down? thank god for the morning. and all those little parts. red september, red october. and, like we always do. and, the cheese. plenty of times. i didn’t mean it to be that way, all one register. we’ll work on that. i mean that i will. i mean, not exactly. i wasn’t on the plane when the plane went in the sky. but thank god for in the morning.

and the notebook making station. and that little corner where the memories come from. and es, the whole thing has been for three quarters of a year. nearly a ear. i feel a tickle in my chest and i sneezed twice. i’m out of estrogen. i’ll be home later in the week. maybe my lungs are tired from cigarettes.

but especially… there’s something there in the space between.

sorry if there’s anything missing.

okay.

what’s the next part? when did i fly?

on friday.

what week was it? monday, tuesday, wednesday. oh i remember i went to ilana’s workshop with agnes and bea and mimi and felt so lucky to be with all these incredibly cool smart funny women, and these strange machines.

and, then me and agnes went to termite and i met sam spike. spittle of the moon, milk of the fig, and then home to where my phone and glasses would be.

on Thursday i held a little baby. thought of all the pain and joy in this little animal’s future and right now with just small feet and tiny claws and alarmed to be born. AND i dropped my laptop down a concrete staircase cutting home through the Barbie.

and then i got up, and got on a plane with mimi. and then there was berlin. and there is a lot of busy. and i’m in a terrible mood because i’m being misgendered and having a terrible skin day and also another thing with july. but i’ll get through this month.

and then me and simon legg went to watch my match and i near but lost my voice singing vindaloo surrounded by norweigens.

several other important and beautiful things happened but i’m late and too busy to write.

awright gal, love ya.

oh my god i forgot to write

five years! every sunday! what happened!

i’m in a Littlebook Fugue State. though it has a strange new property that several people would be astonished to learn about. the state, i mean. has a property, i mean. in that it is second. it’s after.

i did this thing a couple of weeks ago. slept. maybe again i’ll do it. last week? no idea. was that when i went to see agnes with mimi? that might have been this week or a fortnight ago. last week… last week…

okay, so. last week.

oh yeah it WAS, at the CCI. and there were some important conversations and… i’m really burned out right now. but i’m going to berlin in a couple of days. i have to see several people tomorrow and write several pieces of software. i need to sleep too. on sunday i’ll tell you about this week, which was very cool but exhausting.

things are really good, in the way that matters. we’ll get through this month, and then i have to get on a plane. and also last week i went to river’s thing! at granola! and it was really good! a lovely evening, and i met a nice bunny. and May was there! and it was lovely, that was lovely. did i tell you about the farm? i probably told you about the farm. when was that?

and then…

and then…

things are really good, in the one way that matters. and then did i ever tell you about that imaginary hotel room and the bad water? and what no one else will? i tried to sign up to an app the next day. got asked a question that answered several others. not until yesterday, no. not until yesterday. yes, yes. and that park? feels so strange with no one in it. but it’s only been twice? for like 5 mins. spent years. years spent. three times, sorry. and i keep seeing seagulls eating dead pigeons in the scorching hot sun. and

but…

anyway i’ll see you in too few days. this is the month of making it through. then comes the month of juggling two. the comes stable. then comes sunshine, lovers and sharp sight.

yes. thank you!

ummm…

yesterday, May and I overheard a girl on the phone say “imagine that: pushing someone in a new sexual direction just because she can’t direct the MI5”

she also said, in that same call, “And the robot’s like ‘wa?’. Because I teach the robot. The robot doesn’t teach me.”

she also said very many specific phrases directly after we did, fitted into the conversation naturally. it was very unusual. the conversation she was having was the opposite of a bob newhart routine.

today i’m sitting in a first class carriage next to bertie wooster. what-ho. straw hat. off to Lewes or Ore for some kind of luncheon. surprised by the HP laptop but everything else fits.

me, i’m going to Cooksbridge. to a farm. mostly radishes i presume but who knows.

what else of the week? oh we did an FoC in the very hot heat. i emcee’d. i did okay. i think i could do it again and be good at it. on a week where i slept more than 2 hours a night and a day where i ate more than 2 boiled eggs and the temperature is below 400 degrees and i’ve socialized during the week. i have missed being on stage. it’s different sober. sober and paying too much attention.

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and time has passed. and i have eat many strange little pickles. and jenny gave me water with flowers in it.

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and now it’s time for bed forever and ever.

and to watch the bear and forgive everybody.