between me the world there is a film of grey glue. and i can’t seem to engage my mind. i don’t appear to be there, wherever i am. i don’t seem to be in the room. i’d like to make a little list of collections of the best posts i ever wrote here. i’d like to release the aborted quiet party E.P. from last year. with the two worst songs removed, and the two i made for zaina appended. i’d like to make some new music. i’d like to go outside, and to see and to hear what is around me. i’d like to work on littlebook, or one of my other projects. i can hear a loud hiss and whistle all the time.

it’s quite possible that i am both stressed and depressed. don’t really know what to do about that now that tequila isn’t an option. berocca will have to do. i wish i looked just like cheryl tweedy.

in and out of locomotives all alone

how do the emojis available on your company slack affect the range of emotions you feel? sometimes feelings are in triage until they find an explanation. and you’ll only accept the ones that fit within the subset of possible ways-of-being that you consider you.

i’m going through my old todos to see if there is anything worth doing. one section of them suggests auto-posting new blogs to multiple sites that have gone offline since i wrote the todo item. haha.

there hasn’t been any time yet to process the events of the last couple of months. maybe when the summer’s over. i’m sitting in silence now and allowing an immense wave of sadness to wash over me.

if you ever get close to a human - be ready to get confused

zonkers and me met up a few times over the past few weeks. one night laying in a doorway talking until 2 or 3 am. that was nice. another evening we started out summer lazing on the grass at saint pauls, and then in the evening we got kebab at a new place in the city. another day we sat on a thames beach at southbank from the early afternoon until civil twilight, and then went north west and kept on talking until nautical dawn. the most recent time we had shisha in the place down the road on the corner, and in the morning we agreed not to speak for 10 days and then i went to work.

my grandfather was a big proponent of “before midnight sleep”. his son introduced me to programming with Turbo Pascal, Borland C++ and QBASIC.EXE. programming used to be a lot bluer and a lot yellower. i had to choose a yellow recently and it made me think of a nice designer i used to work with. choosing a yellow always does. there’s another former coworker (current friend) that always comes to mind when i’m brushing my teeth. we were in the upstairs area of the old fire meeting point, and she was telling me about how after you brush you don’t wash out. you spit, spit until you think “I can live like this”

you probably come to mind of people all the time, even strangers who you don’t remember. do you ever wonder about that? what things make people think of you. i hope some things make people think of me. i think it makes you live longer. i don’t know if i want to do that, but it’s good for the blood.

we just met - and i know i’m a bit too intimate - but something huge is coming

haha, woops, i forgot to write*. hello.

nothing to report. wrote some code. went outside sometimes. it’s unbearably hot and humid in London again. okay.

why is everybody making me work when all i wanna do is VIBE

*oh and then the build failed and i didn’t notice for a day

it is extremely hot. unpleasant. trying to catch the breezes. i’m back on emacs. writing a javascript library. trying to think about the past.

it’s a little reactive library based on the Adapton papers. so far i’m implemented the miniAdapton-style core and microAdapton auto-tracking. and then on top of that i’ve implemented a plugin api. everything else i want should be doäble as plugins. i’ve written a few so far and it’s so much fun. i started last week building a full acar self-adjusting computations library with a stabilize phase etc. it was working, passing tests. but it was a lot of faff. but i started to like this Adapton system better as a base to build on. plus one of the papers (which is printed out and spread out on my couch) has a mini implementation in scheme. which is almost a progamming language! (the sac paper’s examples are in ML).

omg i just looked at the weather and it says it’s going to rain this week and a mere 22 degrees. thank the lord.

sorry for the short post. it’s been so yap yap tap tap and heat. and i’m in a state of permanent confusion. next time maybe there will be music and a little clicker.

hope you’re well. you’re looking well.