Week 46 of 2025

i love being alive sometimes.

i had one of the nicest, most exhausting, funny, beautiful days at work. felt as though i’d been passed through a victorian clothes mangle. it’s hard to explain why that’s a good thing.

the next day was good, packing. and the night was intense and funny and near and good. the social had great talks. it was so nice to see the people it was so nice to see. dr basman was there with his vibrant sparkling eyes that seem strong enough to cut through metal and so gentle and precise and so joyful. he brought along an issue of his father’s chess magazine (rabbits review). me and mimi read through it with considerable delight.

and then we hopped on the Caledonia Sleeper. yes, wave goodbye in KC, up to Euston, on the night train. i ate haggis at midnight (my first food of the day). couldn’t get to sleep because i kept laughing myself awake. d in the morning i went to wh smith and i bought some babybels and text lily. we walked down to the Royal Scot’s Club and checked in. out for breakfast at the new town fox. back in the lobby we talk patchwork until grjte arrives and it’s time for lunch. pvh gave us a breakdown of the programme. i had salami and cucumber. we went back to the hotel where i lay in my bed feeling desolate and bereft until i received an SMS and bounced readily, full of energy, resurfaced and further discussed patchwork.

on the caledonia sleeper i was forced to recognize that when i’m alone i talk out loud to myself a lot, little half parts of sentences or repeating fragments from the day. the walls were so thin and i had to hold it in because i could hear the toothbrush next door and wished not to disturb the inhabitants with my uncontrolled voicings.

and so then everyone went to dinner. i find it hard to be hungry in groups, so i stayed behind. some dentists sat down beside me and started to talk. one of them said “it’s gotten to the point where i’m going to work to do my hobby. yep. you get to a point with dentistry where you just want to enjoy it”

the days were long and interesting. maybe i’ll get into that a few paragraphs from now i’m not strong enough at this second but imagine living in a world where everybody speaks a language that sounds exactly like english, with the same structure, but shares none of the vocabulary.

on Friday i guested on sweet lily’s radio programme at noonish. it was heaps of fun. i managed not to swear for an hour which i did not know was possible. it was quite the event. talking with lily is such a breeze. she described it like when a dog comes in and shakes off the day. i’ll jump three points ahead and she’ll be right there. it’s like solving tricky puzzles from memory. wired to the moon.

we talked about:

how i was greyfriars bobby in a past life
a spirit child that was freed from a microphone and is terrorizing the studio
the night we met (one marked in the stars with an undying light)
a man who who was eaten by wild boars who confused him for a large strawberry
my hobby of orchestrating an orca hating and orca culling campaign
that time i strangled a penguin while dressed as a penguin
crawford on the ferry, a horseman full of wisdom
my love for all animals, particularly marine life

several other items. it was only an hour but it had so much time in it.

another good day.

lily and me having matching tattoos now.

i’m in a place where people use acyclic hypergraphs to represent morphisms in a symmetric monoidal category and they aren’t even ashamed

i love it though. it’s cool being around people who really care about stuff, and it’s fun talking to people who think so much about something i didn’t even know you could think about.

sitting in these rooms. people pull out paper draw boxes and lines and say “i think this is it” and everyone agrees and asks questions about the boxes and thinks for a while and someone says “and this line is the write?” and the person says “no that’s the ability to write” and everyone says ahh and is satisfied.

and i don’t know half the nouns. and the ones i recognize are living in exciting new habitats. but a picture starts to form from little pieces of how i can be of service. and i don’t need to know the nouns as much as how they move around.

i feel so lucky to be here, among these people i work with who i love and cherish and respect. i feel so lucky to be in the room. and to occasionally feel as though there is the possibility that i might one day say something worth hearing.

you get to a point with dentistry where you just want to enjoy it