between me the world there is a film of grey glue. and i can’t seem to engage my
mind. i don’t appear to be there, wherever i am. i don’t seem to be in the
room. i’d like to make a little list of collections of the best posts i ever
wrote here. i’d like to release the aborted quiet party E.P. from last
year. with the two worst songs removed, and the two i made for zaina
appended. i’d like to make some new music. i’d like to go outside, and to see
and to hear what is around me. i’d like to work on littlebook, or one of my
other projects. i can hear a loud hiss and whistle all the time.
it’s quite possible that i am both stressed and depressed. don’t really know
what to do about that now that tequila isn’t an option. berocca will have to
do. i wish i looked just like cheryl tweedy.
in and out of locomotives all alone
how do the emojis available on your company slack affect the range of emotions
you feel? sometimes feelings are in triage until they find an explanation. and
you’ll only accept the ones that fit within the subset of possible ways-of-being
that you consider you.
i’m going through my old todos to see if there is anything worth doing. one
section of them suggests auto-posting new blogs to multiple sites that have gone
offline since i wrote the todo item. haha.
there hasn’t been any time yet to process the events of the last couple of
months. maybe when the summer’s over. i’m sitting in silence now and allowing an
immense wave of sadness to wash over me.
if you ever get close to a human - be ready to get confused
zonkers and me met up a few times over the past few weeks. one night laying in a
doorway talking until 2 or 3 am. that was nice. another evening we started out
summer lazing on the grass at saint pauls, and then in the evening we got kebab
at a new place in the city. another day we sat on a thames beach at southbank
from the early afternoon until civil twilight, and then went north west and
kept on talking until nautical dawn. the most recent time we had shisha in the
place down the road on the corner, and in the morning we agreed not to speak for
10 days and then i went to work.
my grandfather was a big proponent of “before midnight sleep”. his son
introduced me to programming with Turbo Pascal, Borland C++ and
QBASIC.EXE. programming used to be a lot bluer and a lot yellower. i had to
choose a yellow recently and it made me think of a nice designer i used to work
with. choosing a yellow always does. there’s another former coworker (current
friend) that always comes to mind when i’m brushing my teeth. we were in the
upstairs area of the old fire meeting point, and she was telling me about how
after you brush you don’t wash out. you spit, spit until you think “I can live
like this”
you probably come to mind of people all the time, even strangers who you don’t
remember. do you ever wonder about that? what things make people think of you. i
hope some things make people think of me. i think it makes you live longer. i
don’t know if i want to do that, but it’s good for the blood.
we just met - and i know i’m a bit too intimate - but something huge is coming
