what is there to say about this week? hmm… ¿qué pasó?

¿Qué fue lo que pasó?

i got a new telephone from i filed an insurance claim. here was the whole claim:

I lost my phone while walking through London.

and then i paid £109 and they sent me a brand new apple telephone. getting drunk enough to lose my phone that was completely smashed to pieces with only half a working screen worked out well.

other events of the week included taking two mental health days off work because i felt like my mind was going to snap in two. though i did attend a couple of meetings on each of those days.

i quadrupled down on learning spanish, i'm tentatively planning a trip back to méxico. i got a little book of mayan and aztec tales that's printed like this:

|‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾|‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾|
|         |         |
| english | español |
|         |         |
|_________|_________|

lb tells me that's called "parallel text". it's really nice to be able to read as much as you can in Spanish and then glance over and see the one word you don't know. i looked for other parallel text books and i saw one for children with two rabbits on the cover. they looked like they were kissing. the book was called "te amo". i cried my little eyes out. i turned off my computer and went outside and sat on a bench with a bottle of red wine on my knees, though i didn't drink any of it. i didn't even open it. i sat in the sun on my little bench by the church and a nice lady sat beside me and talked to me about the sun and the bench.

i've organized to meet with a tutor on tuesday. on-line. though they are in london. they actually used to live just round the corner from me until last month! ¡qué coincidencia!

on friday night i had a dream that sofia had text me out of the blue to help her pick between two pairs of shoes. it was nice until i woke up. on saturday i lay on the sofa thinking about how nice it would be to go outside, or even into la cocina, but never really was able to move until i decided i'll get dressed and go and buy a bottle of dry pink wine. once i was dressed, the wine shop was already closed and i was cute for no reason. at least i made some music. on saturday night i had a dream that sofia had text me out of the blue to tell me she thought it wasn't too late and we should talk. we had a nice chat and then i woke up. last night i did not sleep, which is great porque if you don't sleep then you can't wake up. i remember abigail once telling me she hates dreams because if they are bad then they're bad, but if they're good then you wake up and they're over and they weren't real. haha. jajaja. today i will put that outfit back on and go to the wine shop and buy a dry pink wine, then i will go to a bench or a park and make some music.

i made a new keyboard layout that makes it easier to write in spanish.

if i type ' and then a o e o i o o o u then it will give me a á etc if i type ~ and then ! or ? i get the ¡¿ ~ and then n give me ñ and " and then u gives me ü but pressing them before anything else it just types them normally i will almost certainly typeof == ündefined" at some point but other than that it's lovely

el diá de los pingüinitos nos hace a ambos muy tristes.

i like the number 22. i hope you had a happy week 22 everyone. i wish you a happy week 23.

This is probably going to be a long one. It should be, anyway. Let's see. It's lucky i'm cute because i am so stupid.

a ver.

i don't know about the week, pero on friday i was feeling lousy and ugly and bloated and so i went for a walk. the walk was fine, but i felt so ugly and yucky and grosss and so i jumped on a random train, the next one pulling into the station. it was a cannon st. i got out and went towards the seahorse. i had one drink there and then i needed to pee, and not feeling confident enough to use the gendered bathroom so i went to work and peed there. i didn't have my pass with me so it took a little sweet talking to get in.

despues i walked out and let the night take me. every toime a light turned green i crossed the road. it wasn't too many roads later that i spotted someone pouring an entire bottle of red wine into a half-empty bottle of pepsi max. i shouted "kalimotxo!" and he asked if i'd like to meet 200 people. I followed him to the pavilion while he explained he was at a cultural meetup at the Tate Modern with 200 people that was organized by a guy who owns a bar and that after these cultural meetups people go to the bar he owns to buy drinks. clever. when i had stepped outside to have a cigarette i had a short chat with an older man in spanish, which was exciting for me. su esposa es colombiana pero vive en londres, tiene dos hijas pero ambas viven en california. at the end of the night there was david, oxana, louise, a guy who looked like tom cruise called Val, and me. they wanted more night. i brought them to the seahorse. there was karaoke. i sang where is my mind by the pixies. i killed it. we danced, we sang. i met some other people who brought me to popworld, but things got super weird and confusing. though a nice italian girl called ilaria drew a heart on my face with permanent marker. but yeah, they all fell out with each other or something weird and then they left.

after popworld i purchased a bottle of patron and walked across london bridge. i stood in the very middle of the bridge listening to snow tha product at the top volume of my ob-4 speaker, pouring myself shots. once i carried on down the road past the bus stop i put an order in for a taxicab, but then i met un grupo de hombres colombianos and stopped to chat with them in spanish. they did not speak much english, and of course i only have so much spanish. it was a lot of fun chatting to them. both parties at the limits of our knowledge of the other language, finding new ways to communicate and staring right in the eyes to confirm the meaning was getting across. i spent an hour with them drinking patron en la calle.

after that i woke up in lawn chair in borough market. i didn't know borough market had lawn chairs until i woke up in one. it was time for breakfast, and so i went to padre for tacos. yo compre tres tacos al pastor and wet upstairs on the bleachers to eat them. they had real mexican limes.the meat is not slow cooked, like al pastor should be, but it was very very tasty. it was at this moment my telephone chose to produce for me a video slideshow of my time in mexico last year. sofia looked so happy, i looked so happy, we were both so happy. i started crying, very very messy crying. very ugly. i learned that if you are crying your eyes out in public that very nice girls will come over and ask if you need anything. girls rule. i explained to each girl that i was just at that moment processing a 3 month ago breakup because of the tacos. i didn't need anything, thank you lila and biker chic girl. once i'd finished crying i went to la farmacia a comprar some new eyeliner because i had cried all my eyeliner off. walking through borough market reapplying my eyeliner without a mirror i thought actually do need something. a makeup mirror. i stopped by at one of the cheese retailers to consider at length which would be the largest cheese i could fit in my mouth at once. a nice american lady named Jewel filmed me purchasing a very large £7 cheese and trying to fit it in. i nearly choked. my fingers still smell like cheese. it was quite nice cheese. i had a chorizo sandwich from brindisa. i went to the market porter. i defended catholicism to a protestant boyfriend of a catholic girl. a lot of my memories of the day are missing. i was kissed on the lips by an argentinian trans girl at the empanadas stand. eventually i met a nice pair of girls called claire and meg in the market porter and we talked for hours about dogs and life. it was time to go home. i went to the new cross inn. i helped a man understand what being trans means. eventually he tried to support me and help me get home and told me that he was going to be there for me. i did not appreciate it and i asked him to leave me alone, he became forceful and i grabbed him by the hair and pushed him away. i was ejected from the new cross inn. outside there was a very cute couple who brought me for pizza and fish burgers. they were adamant we would see eachother again but we never will. it's one of the best things about london. you will never see anyone again. you can go out and make hundreds of mistakes, build and burn a thousand bridges, and then tomorrow you will wake up and there will be a thousand more. it's one of the worst things about london. it's lonely. it's why i'll never leave.

i woke up a few hours later walking, i don't remember starting to walk. i don't remember losing my phone. all i had was a loaf of bread, a bag of coffee beans, and an aluminium saucepan. i walked from new cross to blackheath. i took a lot of wrong turnsl it took hours. i am home now, hundreds of pounds poorer and without a phone. i've been talking to a nice weirdo from tinder on telegram but i think i shared too much of myself and it is over now. walking home i kept repeating to myself "necesito volver a mexico". maybe it's true. i was happy in mexico. yo era feliz.