ayyyy. getting on a plane in 3 days. cdmx, jimena, pueblo, waterfalls. the whole kit and caboodle.

• bunny rabbit ears

anxiety is so weird because it’s often just a sensation, but then it goes searching around for things to attach itself to, to rationalize its existence. and then it feels like it’s about that thing, but it’s actually just an independent feeling that’s not about anything. but then it can also be cured by the thing it attached itself to getting better or changing, so that makes it seem like it really was about that. that's a real fuck.

work on CORN (quiet party's next release) has ramped up. i know the shape of it now. so far I have 5 tracks for it. hopefully I can make another today. and when i'm en el extranjero it will be my day job. i think i will release it in May. CORN – quiet party – May 2022. it'll be released here, cc0, and then will be available on Spotify and iTunes shortly after that. it's really difficult to mix in this flat because of the beautiful high ceilings and big flat walls.

you know, last month i didn't wanna live and now i wanna live forever. anyway.

on Wednesday I went for coffee with the lovely Becky Avery at the little bookshop café on the corner. she's great. it's good in that little bookshop. there are a lot of books going in and out, but none appearing to be sold. Heaps and heaps of books being taken out on trolleys by large schoolboys and later a sack man comes in with another sack of books. It's going to need closer inspection when i return to London. i met becky's cats. they are very handsome and respectful. noble cats.

i've got a lot of joy. it's coming out of my skin. i'm almost at bursting point. as far as feelings are concerned, i've reached capacity. if i try to picture the atmosphere of next week's post, i just can't. i have no idea. blank paper. bright, bright yellow-white light.

Thanks

wauw.

🥚🫡

i completely forgot it was domingo, and nearly forgot to write a post.

i'm a little low energy today.

• after writing the blog post on Sunday i booked a flight back to CDMX. i will be flying on the 27th of April and coming home on the 10th of Mayonnaise. i can't wait. if i had higher energy i would have so much to say about this. pero, it's the most exciting.
• later on Sunday evening i went out to Fox & Firkin with Val and Ben and (briefly) Ted. it was a nice time, we had some nice chats. i have the biggest smile on my face all the time. I drank one tequila and one beer and then I walked home.
• jimena watched all of Derry Girls
• i finally remembered how we started talking, I said "do you mind if i smoke?" i'd given up smoking 8 weeks earlier, hadn't had a single puff, but then i was drunk at the festival and a pack of marlboro reds was about £2 instead of like £20 so i bought them. so glad i did. smoking saves lives.
• we had a nice phone call on Monday. the connection was really bad and there were a lot of times we didn't hear each other well... but it was so sweet and it was so good. we confirmed we feel the same.
• had a chat about work. had a meeting at work. things might be looking up. too soon to say.
• we watched the new episode of Derry Girls on-line together.
• my manager left on wednesday. went for drinks after work. talked to some people i hadn't seen in a while. it was nice.
• some things have happened that i don't have the right focus to type up, but... we are both putting a lot of work in to making sure that whatever is going on it is healthy. and it's really a beautiful feeling.
• thursday i was pretty hungover, had another meeting. went really well. things might be looking up. nothing's final.
• it's nice to know that i have met somebody who has the same explicit highly sexual fantasies as me such as having breakfast together or chatting and holding hands
• friday morning i bought a new computer and went to Bromley to pick it up. it's a gold macbook air, it looks pink in most light. it's cute. i stuck a PARTY HARD sticker to it. bromley is cute too, i will come back here.
• on Saturday i went to a party at the house of some work people. it was nice. saw some people i hadn't seen in a long time. i left before the party was over, but after the party was done.
• she wore bunny rabbit earrings to her sisters birthday. when i am anxious now i remember about the bunny rabbit earrings and everything kind of fades away.
• it's 10 days now until my flight. that's a countdown. i have to start getting ready and i haven't even recovered from coming back. i will not be going outside until my flight. i cannot risk getting sick before the 27th. i cannot remember the last time i felt this much joy and optimism. it's pouring out of me. i can feel sometimes when i'm laughing that my smile is bigger than it's ever been, my muscles tingling in my cheeks.