time to learn to do it by and for myself again. how is it? i did it for a while, right? i can do that without getting up at 5am i hope hehe. i had so much to say before but now that i'm on the mike i'm choking. my week was perfectly normal. i wrote some Automerge stuff, finished up a breakup, slept poorly.

i kind find my glasses right now but that's okay because my eyes are closed.

when i arrived home with the cushion and socks she was already putting her boxes in the taxi, i helped with the last few and we held each other and said goodbye and i forgot to hand over the socks. they have little boars on them. i have a cushion now that says "estrella" on it with a star, someone in the Railway gave it to me. it's pretty dirty and needs a wash, so am i and so do i.

i'm struggling to remember specific events or stories that seem mine to tell. i wanted to say something about teaching each other not to need each other but i don't want to any more.

my app is in a completely broken state because i started rethinking it because i got too excited about the future i started thinking i could build it but i'm not smart enough nor persistent enough to build it.

i'm not going to fall apart, i'm just going to drink a little more tequila and go back to sleep. they gave me a glass on wine in the sock shop. i think the week was strange and busy, wasn't it? i haven't taken any notes. i don't want to see or hea any more flies i've seen and heard enough of them.

it's so empty here and i fucking hate it

i've become extremely unreliable.

i broke things at work, nobody could post the news for 6 minutes.

i tried my best with everything else but i guess it all fell apart.

i took things poorly, but it's okay, everybody knows i should never ever do this.

we had a nice time at the rooftop cinema, nothing went wrong even at the end. the next day dinner at persepolis was nice but it went wrong at the end. on saturday and sunday it wasn't as good, because they went wrong at the start. sunday improved a lot as it went on, but i did spend £180 on tickets to a festival that we never actually made it to. we made it as far as the field outside the festival and then lay down, then went home and went into a k-hole.

i did not enjoy the first part of saturday, but i did enjoy the second part of saturday. i did not enjoy the first part of sunday, but i did enjoy the second part of sunday.

the future is uncertain and concerning and full of fear and heartbreak and some "the first time" that will be bad. maybe there will be good too, but not much stability and i don't think i'll be doing all of this stuff with CRDTs and Signals because that requires some brain power and that is not going to be there in the future.

be kind to yourself and others

Maybe it goes the other way. We use these silly new computer programs to automate reading our documentation for us, checking the grammar and spelling and readability of our emails and our posts. And we make corrections that make it easier for the computer program to understand what we mean. Not making them better for people, but for the computer program. Gradually people learn to write that way, people learn to read that way (because everything is written that way) and we meet in the middle. Machines indistinguishable from humans not because we made them like us, but because we made us like them.

The week was fine, i did some work. Ran into a few hard problems with the code i'm working on in my precious spare time. i've paused it to build out some of the libraries i'll need to build it well. There's something where Signals and CRDTs allow you to have data that is reactive and consistent across space and time. I'm not quite at the bottom of it yet.

Looked at pictures, things got better. Had to decide if I'm staying here another year, i am. Rent went up but i think it's still the best deal in London. I've been watching a lot of talks about programming. Streams too. And reading tc39 proposals. And specs and whitepapers. Like a teenager.

Hedgehog lost her phone in a hole, i went out in the rain. I'm about to write a generic JavaScript patch library that i hope will work out well.

I keep thinking things are getting better, but maybe i'm wrong.

i hope your week is good and the days are long.

sorry im late.

football didnt come home.

hard week. ikea was fun.

we can make it work.

my laptop is all covered in sand. the trackpad isn't working because it's full of sand. we were lying on the beach on our backs in the dark looking at the cloudy sky red and purple.

took a coach home because we missed the flight. a coach from barcelona to france, france to greenwich. nice trip. recommend it.

saw a great lebanese flick at the garden cinema. Nadine Labaki's Caramel (2007). you should watch it, it's great.

i've been sick for a week now. it seemed to be getting better on friday, but then it got much worse again over the weekend and now i'm so fat throat and cough and lurgy.

i'd better go back to bed. sunise is at 4:53a.m., sunset is 9:16p.m..

bye