Sunday, May 30, 2021

trigger warning: diet, weight, eating disorders

• it was 2017 when i last lost a huge amount of weight. i lost about half my weight.
  • i used keto
  • eventually i realised, sometime in 2018, that thinking about food all the time and counting calories in an app was disordered
    • i’ve struggled with bulimia in the past, and various other mental and dietary issues
      • i was sectioned a number of years ago, so i try to be careful about cultivating new and interesting disorders
  • i decided to stop dieting, to let myself gain weight and not feel bad about it
  • i have a blood test from 2018 which shows my blood sugar was fine
  • so now i know that giving myself a break has literally given me diabetes
  • and the way to live with diabetes is to go on a diet almost identical to keto
  • what an exciting new challenge
  • what a depressing, yet thematically sound, series of events

i’ve been sick most of this week

• physically
• though mentally i am not doing well
  • i am not looking forward to the next part of my life
  • i don’t know how to cook for myself without rice
  • i don’t know how to be alone
  • sometimes i have this warm and comforting daydream where i die in my sleep

i set up backups on my laptop and the snoot.club server this morning

• i’m using borg

  • because fox told me to

    • basically borg and restic is where the deduplicated encryption backup stuff is at Foxboron

  • it is a cool piece of software though

i was going to look into adding a gutenberg sidebar for the indieweb Post Kinds wordpress plugin this weekend, but instead i closed my laptop and had a lie down

i bought the Besley* and Jost* variable fonts from indestructible type* for my weblog

• Jost* is the variable futura of my dreams
• here is another great font: https://www.dafont.com/w95fa.font
  • i’m using this as my system font at the moment. it looks great.
    • 

remember when they reanimated bob monkhouse’s ashen corpse so he could appear in an advert on terrestrial television