for some reason every time an estate agent asks me if i will be bringing any pets, i want to tell them i have 1 hedgehog
I’m sitting under the only remaining shelter on Peckham High Street waiting for the rain to pass but the tree is starting to fail and I might have to run for it
4am chili
there’s something Indian restaurants do that I learnt from an Indian restaurant cookbook that I now do in all my cooking. it improves almost every chili-like, curry-like meal. you know that class of foods that’s like…bolognese, curry, chili, they’re all a kind of thing, right? anyway, it’s the early spice frying stage, the tarka.
- you make a spice mix for the food, (I’m doing this with a chili right now)
- you add a little water to make that mix into a paste.
- you heat your fat up in a big pot (medium high), and when it’s ready you throw the spice paste directly into the fat
- you stir fry that for about 10-20 seconds
- add a bunch of finely diced onions and turn the heat all the way down and stir fry for like 8 minutes until they are soft and golden and beautiful
usually if you’re using seeds like cumin or fennel, you’ll put those in first, then your minced garlic, then the rest of the spices. if you’re using herbs you’ll need to take one of two measures to make sure they don’t burn, either:
- grind them up first into a fine powder and combine them into the paste, or
- add them to the onions once you’ve lowering the heat and are stir frying
anyway, this will flavour the food from the inside out and it’ll blow your tiny mind every time. remember that shaoxing rice wine is good in any cuisine, and soy sauce is salt.
sunday, august 8th 2021
- had a lovely lunch with alicebartlett.co.uk
- did lots of viewings all week
- got the second shot of the vaccine
- it beat me up, but less than last time
- but, i’ve recovered from the vaccine into having some kind of a cold? it sucks
- i bought a portable cd player
- back in the day the big thing was 3-second anti-skip
- this one has 40-second anti-skip!
- it calls itself jogproof
- i went to the charity shop and bought every CD they have that i had any connection to
- i have a pretty weird collection of albums now
- eminem, bloodhound gang, shania twain, elliott smith,
- back in the day the big thing was 3-second anti-skip
- i cooked abe a steak dinner on wednesday
- it made him very happy
- i need to take a holiday
- tried to watch Luca, but it was a movie about two people getting two know each other and that was too much and i had to go cry my eyes out on the sofa
- had a nice coffee with abe on friday
- went to a charity shop and dropped off some formerly cherished belongings
the wet ground with chunky fleshy berries red and yellow
- I wish I was whatever animal eats these chunky berries. maybe a fox? or bodger
- had a dream where i met somebody called Mippen
- their mother lived in the foreign ministry
- they took my coat home, with my passport in my pocket
- after the place crashed, they walked on their knees and drank from the river
- Sevenoaks seems like a nice place to live
- it is an island, surrounded not by water but by the national trust
- there’s a station there called Bat & Ball
- there is a train that goes from Sevenoaks/Bat&Ball through Peckham all the way to Blackfriars. it takes about an hour
- the train has a declassified first class, and originates at sevenoaks. so you will nearly always get a little table and a place to plug in computer
- it’s quite cheap too, for somewhere well connected
- i often feel like a dog that got into the school
- i bought some superglue, on the back it says “if you need help: go to loctite.co.uk”
- sat in a park singing along to my elliott smith cd, and text some people from back home to find out what the craic is
- everyone is older now
- on saturday evening me and Abe went out and drank beers in a park and talked for hours, then we went to a bar and he lay down on my lap
- this morning he left
- i’m sick and really annoyed about it
- anyway i’m going to visit loctite.co.uk
something new i do when i can’t sleep is i make chili. i have a hard time sleeping when i’m alone. does anybody want any chili?
just got my second shot. looking forward to letting strangers spit in my mouth again #backtonormal
I was in a bar the other night and I asked if there was a bathroom and the bar person said “forgive me darling but are you looking for a men’s or a women’s”
Sunday, August 1, 2021
i can’t be fully honest about this week.
monday
- got dumped
- i announced it on here using the Instagram message weightlifter Rich Piana sent when he broke up with his wife Sara in 2016. with all the hashtags. one of which is #nolovelikedoglove
- we got high
- we watched Pi
- we played Fortnite
- i dyed my hair mermaid green
tuesday
- had a call with simon legg
- do i even stay in UK?
- --- REDACTED ---
- i wish i could just disappear
- closed our joint account today. then we got high and held hands and listened to boards of canada.
wednesday
- i said “i’m not sad” and cried in the park after we walked at night for an hour
thursday
- keep doing big sad sighs
- notebook contains things like this:
- “fake dumb stupid bitch, fake dumb stupid bitch, fake dumb stu”
- “i don’tknow what to do, i don’t know what to do, i do not know wh”
- “i’m online-dating a slenderman. i have a tinder date with a 400ft twink”
- met a guy who ends every bad story with “just gets better don’t it?”
- --- REDACTED ---
- spent the night in an alley
- staying up all night is bad
friday
- nothing
saturday
- i’ve been killed i’m dead now
sunday
- getting my second shot of pfizer tomorrow
- looking forward to going back to work
- i cannot imagine ever enjoying anything again.
- i’m trying to just live my life and trust that it will get good again, that it won’t feel bad forever.
- it’s hard to believe, but i remember it was hard to believe before
- i’m trying to just live my life and trust that it will get good again, that it won’t feel bad forever.