i can’t be fully honest about this week.

monday

• got dumped
• i announced it on here using the Instagram message weightlifter Rich Piana sent when he broke up with his wife Sara in 2016. with all the hashtags. one of which is #nolovelikedoglove
• we got high
• we watched Pi
• we played Fortnite
• i dyed my hair mermaid green

tuesday

• had a call with simon legg
• do i even stay in UK?
• --- REDACTED ---
• i wish i could just disappear
• closed our joint account today. then we got high and held hands and listened to boards of canada.

wednesday

• i said “i’m not sad” and cried in the park after we walked at night for an hour

thursday

• keep doing big sad sighs
• notebook contains things like this:
  • “fake dumb stupid bitch, fake dumb stupid bitch, fake dumb stu”
  • “i don’tknow what to do, i don’t know what to do, i do not know wh”
  • “i’m online-dating a slenderman. i have a tinder date with a 400ft twink”
• met a guy who ends every bad story with “just gets better don’t it?”
• --- REDACTED ---
• spent the night in an alley
• staying up all night is bad

friday

• nothing

saturday

• i’ve been killed i’m dead now

sunday

• getting my second shot of pfizer tomorrow
• looking forward to going back to work
• i cannot imagine ever enjoying anything again.
  • i’m trying to just live my life and trust that it will get good again, that it won’t feel bad forever.
    • it’s hard to believe, but i remember it was hard to believe before