i'm a big rabbit

went to a conference workshop on Monday. they had no food i could eat, i got really hungry. afterwards i went around for a while and drank and talked to strangers. learnt that there is a point when i stop wanting to enjoy people and start wanting something from people and that's when everything goes wrong. have to stay under that number of drinks from now on. i will be 2 pints drunk at all times from now on.

Tuesday I worked and slept. jimena got a haircut, it looks cute. she's like a happy little berry.

Wednesday I worked and slept. We had a date, i slept through it. i felt terrible about it.

Thursday i started to feel ill. i worked and slept. I had a bath, and at one point in the bath i became aware of something: i was going to shit and vomit. it was an emergency, literally, something was going to emerge from me. i scrambled out of the bath. my foot hit the floor and when it did i slipped a little. time stopped. i could see what fate would befall me if i fell: i would have slipped so i'd hit the toilet bowl and crack my skull while puking and shitting everywhere and i would have died drowned in my own waste and bleeding from the skull. glad i caught my balance.

Friday i stayed up late because we had a date. jimena ended up staying out, and we did not have our date. she felt terrible about it.

Saturday was Benjamin's birthday and we went to Battersea park for Ben's birthday bash. it was a good time. met some nice new people. didn't spend too much money. everyone was going to the rave later and i wasn't feeling it (still a bit sick!!) so i went home and me and Jimena had an impromptu date for about 4 hours. it was really nice and fruitful. felt wonderful about it.

oh i completely forgot to mention. my job has approved my working from Mexico for 6 weeks starting in July. i booked a flight. 7th. so i'm going back. i'm very excited. don't know where i'm staying yet. will figure that out soon enough.

do you ever think, like, you know, they are killing us? protest doesn't seem to do anything, and is being criminalized? we've seen now with the pandemic that even if it kills hundreds of thousands of people they will not stop the machine? they will not change? what option do we have? like what is the actual avenue for change when it is so urgent? we can't wait to build class consciousness and solidarity and all those things that take half a century because by that time we'll be living on a ball of ash? what options are there for real and permanent change?