🐰 chee cherries quiet party

entries from january 2022

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i recorded a voice memo for myself on ketamine. it's a good listen

this instruction/observation/ piece of advice:

you go out to the edge where nobody has been and you take out your pen, you open your mouth, and you’re honest, and you capture that and you bring it home

where i say β€œi’m the tetranomicon”

and another part where i say β€œwow, is that me? poor little thing…” then my voice gets tight and panicked and i say β€œwope, i don’t wanna go down there” and then i say β€œzip zip”

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harlequin store

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week 2; 2022

  • Continued to be full of mucus for most of the week
  • Went to an art night at a squat on Wednesday, let someone use my hand as a brush
    • walked with them to the bus, and got the bus, and stood around in the cold
    • it was nice
  • On Friday night i tried to fix my sleep schedule (which was beat up by covid)
    • i went to bed at 9p.m.
    • i woke up at 2a.m. on Saturday and couldn't get back to sleep
    • eventually at around 6a.m. i gave in and i made some spaghetti 🍝 with cream cheese and bacon
  • On Saturday I went to see The Matrix with Christabel. I enjoyed the movie. Christabel did not.
    • there was no price paid, so it does not resolve well. kind of feels like the first half or first third of something.
  • Afterwards we went to a Wetherspoon's (The King's Tun)
  • If a friend needs 3 no-strings-attached utility hickeys to prove to the people at work they live an interesting life, it's perfectly normal to just give them 3 no-strings-attached hickeys there in the pub as a friend and then to feel normal about it
  • While I was there, I was invited to a birthday party
    • They didn't have any vegan birthday cake so I got some from Waitrose, and some candles from a corner shop and travelled with it on public transport from Kingston to Tottenham
  • I forgot to download any music before the journey, so I listened to 1 song on repeat
  • One day recently i had some social anxiety and a voice told me β€œhey: nobody knows why you’re doing what you’re doing” and it’s unlocked some kind of super-power and i haven't had social anxiety since.
    • let me see if i can explain it in a way where you don’t need to be inside my head: you ever find yourself doing something that you know looks insane, but you have a reason to be doing it so you don't feel weird about it?
      • like you are doing it for a joke, or a favour?
      • or maybe you’re buying a HUGE amount of yoghurt, but you’re going to a yoghurt party and normally you’d be like β€œwow that’s too much yoghurt to buy”, but now you're like "hey i'm going to a yoghurt party"
      • yeah well basically nobody knows you’re NOT going to a yoghurt party
        • nobody ever knows that whatever you’re doing that you’re not going to a party for that.
    • well, anyway, dancing alone on the underground
  • I spent all night at the birthday party until 7a.m. playing boardgames
    • I got a taxi home
    • I slept all day
    • My sleep schedule is still in disrepair, but hopefully salvageable
  • it's PITCH BLACK in there. you can't see ANYTHING.
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✨

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on the way into the cinema screen someone warned us β€œit’s pitch black in there,
you can’t see ANYTHING” 
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sick of being a nerd i want to be a FREAK