week 43; 2022

not much left in this year

• i think if there was a pill that would kill me in exactly 300 days but had no other symptoms, i would take it
  • it would be so much easier to budget my time if i knew how much i had
  • i’d take all my credit out and quit my job
  • maybe i should just pretend i’m going to die at the end of every quarter of the year
• i’m sitting outside on the New Bench.
  • a little old lady at the church just invited me inside to see some adults getting baptized. “they’ve got a bishop coming down”! i asked coming down from where but she did not know
  • there are a lot of people turning up now. i guess it’s huge
  • wild to get baptized so close to all hallows.
  • i wouldn’t open myself up to be entered by God when there are so many other spirits so close to the Earth
• a girl at work gifted me a typewriter this week. i’ve written two postcards on it that are on their way to North America. let me know if you want to go on my christmas card list
• my posts have been late and shorter the past few weeks because i’m far away from myself. it’s winter soon, the nights have drawn all the way in, i don’t know what it will be like. i’ve done poorly in recent winters. i’ll need a project, a routine, a clean and tidy household, irish stew.
• been thinking about fighting a deer to the death. seems like i shouldn’t eat an animal if i wouldn’t be able to deal with the unalienated reality of it.
• i like it when you say hello to a dog in the street and it kisses you with a sniff
• sofia is coming to london for a month. it’s hard to understand what’s right and wrong out here so far beyond tradition. all i figure i can so is be as honest possible and then leave people to make their own decisions, that’s what it looks like i think…
• i had a dream last night where i was trying to express something to some people in the same dream (we’d all arrived in this one dream) but as i was talking it i stopped being able to speak, my mouth stopped working like it was injected with a analgesic so i made some paper and a pen (we all knew we were dreaming) and i wrote down “don’t worry about the rules: figure out what you want and then figure out how to get it as quickly as possible while introducing the least amount of new pain into the world” but in the dream that only took 9 words
• can you believe it’s only 6p.m.?
• bye