fourth 2024

so baaaaaaaasically everybody’s bullying me just because i’m so cute and popular

what’s the cutest place in england to go to in february/march? maybe corn wall

i haven’t fixed lucky numbers yet, but i’ve made a album cover. i think i need to release it with fewer songs, because i’ve lost faith in some of them. we’ll see.

london graphics centre. picked up a few books. a midori md paper grid notebook, sakura pigma micron pen, pair of tombow brush pens. zz got the same but the paper is ruled. we wandered around soho imagining what if we lived here. 1 bed in the middle of soho. local station: tcr. local park: hyde. nice night. kitchen table. seinfeld.

nice week. good week, yes. not much to report. silly stuff during the day. good stuff at night, good stuff in the morning. long saturday, we walked and walked. 20,000 steps. i’ve been making these omelettes where you beat 4 eggs w/ 60g greek yoghurt + 40g mozzarella cheese. rly good, flufy. lucky made it on saturday. it was great. qima for coffee. green valley for groceries.

thursday was nice too. beautiful morning, weird afternoon. akub for dinner. very nice. made something like that milfuf wedge / garlic yoghurt for lunch on sunday with pomegranate seeds. etymonline says “pomegranate” means, like, “apple with a lot of seeds” or, like, “seedy apple”. cabbage w/ yoghurt + apple with many seeds seeds.

steadily improving with little dips.

third 2024

hello, darling! :)

drink some water!

on the day we met, i subscribed. £5 a month. for the guilt. so she’d write more. i wrote my postal address down on the back of my computer so she could take a photo and write me a letter. when i was in Portugal she wrote a longer piece, i read it in the little cafe in idanha-a-nova drinking cheap lager. i talked at length with annemarie about how good the writing was, about how talented this young lady was. that it’s raw and it’s angry but it’s there and i want to see it. and i said the same to gabi in the back of the taxi when we met in the castles in Sintra.

i’m sleepy tonight, it’s late to be writing. i worked well this week, i understand what’s happening at work now and where it came from and why. we worked from home together most of the week. tuesday night we hit a spot of trouble, but it was the last of that kind of trouble for a while. repaired over falafel, knocked out of ketosis, on the same team. that’s how it got fixed, stayed fixed.

z’s brother left the country. i’ll miss him. he’s a nice boy, and funny.

i’m working on an e.p. at the moment called lucky numbers. it’s a promising set of tracks so far. i have some demos, but i mixed them in an extremely loud cafe on Saturday and i think i did kind of a bad job so i’ll have to mix them again. i hope it’ll come out on February 14th.

i’m happy. stable and happy. can’t remember feeling like this in a long time. can’t remember feeling like this before. i made a nice curry tonight. tangy. z made labneh and pink pickles for snack plates. tangy. maybe we’ll make some of that keto bread that’s just eggs + mozzarella + greek yoghurt. it’s delicious, you just put it all in a lined sheet and stick it in the oven and then it’s bread of cheese. the days are very busy, lots of walking, lots of little events. my avg walking distance has tripled over the past 5 weeks. resting heartrate down. i’m feeling life-curious. i’m going to live forever.

second 2024

strangely empty building. never seen another soul who seems to live here. just that ghost who haunts the elevators. we let a guy in who was delivering a package one time. he dropped it at the mailboxes on the ground floor then got into the elevator with us. he pressed 3, we pressed 4. when we got to floor 3 he stepped out, looked around and got back into the elevator with us. he seemed to apologize, i’m not sure if he made a sound but he moved his body like he was speaking. it was tense between 3 and 4.

these valleys below my eyes are turning into canyons.

on jan 8 i wake up at 4am fully refreshed. zz stayed up late night writing. it’s bitterly cold, she wrote about the cold. the radiators have never worked in this place. have to call somebody. there’s a bus in thirty minutes and until then there is this cold. there’s a thermostat in the hallway, i turn it to thirty, nothing changes. there’s a cupboard in the hallway behind the coats, i’ve never opened it, i’ve never seen anyone open it. inside i find a white panel. on the panel i see a little drawing of a radiator. next to the little drawing of the radiator is a button. next to the button is the word “OFF”. there’s also a little drawing of a tap beside the word “AUTO”. i remember that zz told me that sometimes the water is hot, and sometimes it is cold. the heating never works, the water is sometimes hot and sometimes cold. this is consistent with my findings. i press the button beside the radiator. the house growls into life. i go from radiator to radiator turning their valves until they hiss and gurgle happily and obediently, as ready as any of us to be hot and to be warm and not cold.

the bus is in five minutes now. i know that door is a one way road until zz wakes up since i lost my key fob. but this is the best use of our time. she’ll wake up to new heat, i’ll collect my eggs and collect my cheese. get some clothes and a speaker. charge my headphones.

no one else is ever here
except that old woman
who haunts the elevators
and that young woman
with the sandwich
who i didn’t ever see again

WFZ week except for Tuesday. we were productive and drank tea with mint and ate very well. i baked a cake for zz’s brother on friday. a sweet banana cake with a sour cream chocolate icing and pretty strawberries.

Saturday was emotional and difficult at times, but sweet and important too. We went to the Horniman museum to look at all the dry animals, and we went to the Planetarium to look at all the far stars, and we ate mushrooms and talked deeply and held each other and cried.

i am happy.

first 2024

hi everyone:)

Welcome to twentytwentyfour.

On new years’ evening i ended up going to Simmons with some people from work. i kissed the prettiest girl in the world at midnight. facts. periodt.

After the celebration of fire and glitter and paper falling from the ceiling, we left. I really needed to pee but i haven’t been able to bring myself to use the boys since i grew my hair, and i haven’t been able to use the girls since i cut it. so i just sat there bursting.

afterwards me and zaina got some halloumi and houmous and salad and chips and went home. i drank a little, but not much. i enjoyed simmons, exceptionally. it’s fun to be alive.

It’s funny how peoples faces change as you get to know them, and your memories of them before feel like they’re about a different person because of who they are to you and how they look to you.

in the morning when we wake up we set up our diet. it’s like mine from last year, keto + vegetarian + no alcohol. i took a 1 week break between christmas eve and new years so we could celebrate with abandon. it’s gonna be a challenge but isn’t it fun to be in something together? it’s fun, yeah.

israel has locked itself into a death spiral with its policy of reëstablishing deterrence through fearby disproportionate response. its existence relies on the nations around it being afraid, but it’s too much this time, too wanton, too abject. so they are just gonna start world war 3 because they can’t do what is right and they can’t back down. i read one book and now consider myself an expert on the matter.

tuesday we work from home. at work i’m having a little trouble because i haven’t had an easy time focusing for a few months.

all the days are kind of blurred together. a bright happy blur of lilac and white and yellow and pink and blue. it sure can be hard to learn a person while they’re learning you and you’re learning yourself. the good parts are exceedingly good, and the hard parts aren’t bad.

i guess i can’t do this chronologically… i’ll try to start taking notes during the week again… here are things i can remember:

i cooked
- i made labneh
- i made some pretty tasty flatbread with only: eggs, mozzarella, greek yoghurt + an oven
- zaytoun + za’atar on everything
- i made a few tasty paneer curries
it’s nice to fall asleep and to wake up
i wrote some good songs
i am extremely happy + relaxed
there was a little blow up but we fixed it.
- and she bought me flowers.
  - they’re sitting in water in my teenage engineer field range water bottle on the nightstand.
lay on the bed working while you pray
a lovely evening in dim light with snacks
anxious on thursday evening

i’m so tired right now that i keep falling asleep while i’m typing, and when i keep myself awake my dreams start chattering anyway. i’m that kind of tired where i’m going to start hearing music in my mind as loud as if it’s playing on speakers beside me. i will cook dinner now for when Lucky gets home from her 2 hour walk.

i can never really figure out how to write happy, and i’m not quite ready to think about anything else.

anyway, that’s all i’ve got. i’ll start taking notes.

love you, sport. have a good one. see you. x

Happy New Year to all, including to my many enemies and those who have fought me and lost so badly they just don’t know what to do.

Love!