w14 in 2026

there are so many
negative numbers
in my bank account app
why
are they being
so fucking negative

i went to bournemouth. it’s nice there. it’s a seaside town but doesn’t have english small town energy. is it because of the universities? really nice. let’s move there and get too many pets.

also, i don’t know if anyone has told them about the last couple of decades? they have high streets, with shops on them. and multiple malls. they have a mall with an HMV in it. there were kids in there wearing black and browsing for posters. i looked up at a billboard and it said “Playstation 5 Pro is better on WiFi 7”. it was my first time hearing about either of those things. “i’m out of touch with the relentless march of technology,” i thought. a few metres up the road i found a 2000s themed bar that may have been named after a klaxons song.

the moon was pretty, nearly full. i walked down by the beach and sang to the sea until i cried. snot on my face and sand in my eyes i returned to my hotel. in the morning as i was finishing breakfast a girl asked if she could sit with me. i’m just about to leave, i told her, i’d feel so rude you’d sit down and i’d stand up. note: i was sitting at a 2 person table. she said okay:)) and sat nearby at a 4 person table. a dude came in, she said “what’s our room number?” and he said 312 as he pulled a chair out beside her. she turned to me and said have a nice day, and i told her have a nice day too. and he looked at me like he’d like me to be dead and he’d like to be the one in charge of it. i popped back to my room, lay down a couple vocal takes (certified banger) and gathered myself for a walk to a nearby coffee shop that appeared from the photos on maps to have loveramics ceramics. on the stairwell we met again. she said i’m ann and i said ann? and she said anne-marie. i said hello anne-marie, i’m chee:)). she asked what’s your plan for today? i told her get a coffee and make music. she said it is supposed to be a lovely day. i said lucky us. she put her hand out, nervously, and said “it is nice to meet you.” i took her hand, she squeezed my hand, i squeezed back. i asked her “you good, anne-marie?” because our eyes were wet and she needed something. she said “i will be…” and let go, and turned up the stairs and said “i will be” to the stairs.

that was 8am.

i got a coffee. and another. back to the hotel. made some music. certified banger. out to the shops, the beach, back to the hotel, make a little music. i spent a couple days there like that. bought a replacement horseshoe for my lip because that one fell out when i was talking to erica hu and maybe i ate it? well. it was from a place i’ve ordered jewelery from before, i didn’t realize it was in bournemouth. but there it was.

there’s an incongruence between who i am, and the patterns i have. my whole personality has changed, the way I view the world, who I am inside. about half a year ago i woke up happier, more patient, kinder, less cynical. but conversationally i still find myself walking down old paths, and then i’m in the middle of a sentence where i feel super yucky like i don’t belong in the sentence. i haven’t figured out yet how to escape these sentences. hopefully the feeling of yucky regret will teach me not to get involved in them at all. and a few recent events indicate that I’m giving off the energy of someone safe and helpful, but I don’t yet understand how to respond when people are drawn to that. because it’s so unexpected for people to come to me for that. i’m so used to being off-putting.

i enjoyed riding waterloo & city.

oh wait was this also the week me & mr went to visit ac at ual? damn, oh i should write about that. but i’ve already got the satisfying feeling of having finished the entry. well that was just a lovely fucking day, and it’s so cool there, and they’re so fucking lovely, and i’m excited about the future.

okay. a little nap i think. and then on easter monday i will wake up and i will make several more certified bangers. or, at least one. polish up a few more. and file my tax return. and spend several hundred pounds on pizza. i wandered up to yard sale to meet them and have a little chitter-chatter because i think it’s nice to meet people in person if you do business with them. it was a great chch. they’re really nice in there.

okay. a little nap i think. and by nap i mean a full night’s sleep. the album is coming together, so i’ll take it apart.