w19

judgement came fast. but first, i accidentally melted a plastic-handled knife in a frying pan and set off the fire alarms in the whole building. the carbon monoxide alarm started beeping. fire alarms started going off in the whole building. up i ran to the little box in the hall. i said “silence” and it asked for a security code. i typed two two two two and there was quiet. nobody stirred from their quarters.

when was it that i was cooking every day and making casseroles in the vintage pyrex? feels recent. but i haven’t been at that for a while. breakups, and business. i don’t have any pots or pans at all right now. it’s strange not to cook. i wish to make some soup. where’s that book lb recommended? maybe i put it on the kitchen cupboard with the other books.

“excuse me, i don’t want to interupt you, but where did you get those mary janes?” the stuff of dreams

but that was all on sunday. the week was really hard. i think this week will be even harder. i can’t even write about it. sometimes a week feels like hormones went away. that scratchy feeling on the inside of the skin, like the plasma is trying to escape.

3 of swords. the tower.

i spent saturday in the pit. at 11pm i walked up to a bar and had a lucky saint.

sunday i had a long phone call about all my flaws. then i fell asleep. i woke up at midnight and put my new bed together.

i didn’t think i would be going back to the pit. i thought i’d left that behind. it’s okay, though. if i’m going to be destroyed and rebuilt. but i miss being happy. that was a good wee run.