w32 '26

"Get the ick" sounds like something went inside, but in those moments it feels like something went out. Fell out of me, belly dropped, soul fell out of me.

dog biscuits

you’re not eating the dog biscuits are you?

awww yuck... i mean, the boneos are alright. but not them shiny ones they have here

They talked for a while about the best dog treats

i used to eat the charcoal ones

my dog'd look at me like i had nine heads but

well he wouldn’t eat them…

so i'd eat them

rats don’t taste too bad… but rat piss?

(That's a big red man with a bald head)

you wouldn’t want to upset that newfoundland.
you got a lab, or a retriever?

a shot of rum please

• a splash of coke
• a little more
• a little more

Twinkish guy, with a tough energy like he’s tired of living

Keeps asking for a little splash more until she's got a cuba libre for him

there’s a rumor that there’s gonna be hairdresser here.

but it’s not true. it’s a fierce rumour.

there’s gonna be a pool room here.

and then

i find myself in Eataly yet again. Fascinated by this place. It has so many restaurants, and cafes, and a school. Where am i? A kind of designer department store for spaghetti and cured meats. They have their own cola. And then i happened upon that skinny escalator elsewhere and through the dark tunnel and the sign "Follow the stairs to ███████" duct tape over the wordless horror of where we would end up, and then at the end of threatening building site escher forms and turns a garden? A little garden, and everybody is having little drinks and there that young man is holding that young woman by the jowls and locking forever in her eyes* and the sign says "Eataly Ice Cream" and am i still here? In this place? It's everywhere?

*i know some forget-me-nots. i've forgotten lots. and then with absolutely zero prior notice: i forgot my oath, the magnum opus (silent focus);. transiens dissocians (like the migratory locust) onto solitaire and then we're lying on the grass, like after malaga, "ay, ¡que simpatica!", looking at the flowers growing (myosotis sylvatica). and how they are against the rhodochrosite, against the silver in the dusty charcoal. sounding out the vowels, open sesame, a little cube with false impressions there to make you feel better.

And May and i, we went for dinner in the place upstairs from my apartment. It's good having dinner there, because whenever we've agreed to meet I get off my chair.

hair event

And the next day i cut off all my hair. Sally did. i watched. i enjoyed her thoroughly, an absolute treasure. and she knows agnes. we had in-jokes by the end of the short journey we took to my new hair. i may have gone too short and boy'd myself and the only solution might be to make some of it even shorter on the sides just for contrast.

and then i went to an event where the software felt like white feminism but it was nice to see Marie. my social battery 🪫 and i should not have gone, but it was nice to see Marie. anyway it all seems cozy nice but too cathedral and not like love. spoiled by FoC where mean girl energy dissipates on contact with the air.

other notes

i can see around your mouth you used to be like that all the time. Your eyes have all that stormy in them and you're fighting with her now. i hope that you can learn to love her and forgive her, she deserves it and she's worth it. Some day she'll give way to you; some day she'll be you. You're fighting with her, and i get it. i mean, she seems like a proper little prick. But she's clearly very loveable and needs a little patience. i bet it pissed her right off that she's so loveable, the poor thing, just look at her.

this time next week

next sunday i will be writing after the zoo where i will go with beano. ivy and me and beano are going to the zoo. and then i'll go vancouver, maybe take a boat to a cove? and then to gatineau to ring bell and see wed my friend. and then to montreal, where i will see some other things. and then to kingston to a new friend. and then toronto to an old friend. and to play a show at the rivoli.

On Friday evening there was a girl outside my window crying. And then she started to sing. The people in the street started cheering and clapping, and then everyone began to scream.

But, yes, i'm nervous. i could have had a baby by now. Every day, when i wake up. every night, before i sleep. and 🗣️ in 🙊 on 🎭 in 🗺️. . But it's been helpful having time to learn.

The lads are out today. Hollering and shouting. Dropping bottles, screaming. i love it here, it's unhinged. They were a little scary, the boys.

i'm so honoured that you thought of me when there was something beautiful and ineffable about a mechanical night beast.

jersey