week 12 of the 2026

demo of whatever this song is called. maybe "goo"

i’ve got something to tell you

This is my first time EVER being alive

i’ve never been on earth before until this time!!

What would you do if you found yourself in this situation? maybe look around, try to find somebody who seemed like they know what’s going on. that’s what I did. stick by them a while until you realize, to your shock and their chagrin, that it’s their first time living here too. THEN what do you do?

Here are some things I’ve learned: they won’t tell you that the wanting is enough. they won’t tell you that they’ve never lived before. and the ones who stomp about with the air of prior knowledge are the ones you can trust least to navigate this world with you. at least, that’s been my experience. maybe you’ll find different.

I got a new laptop. She’s yellow. citrus. She looks very different in different light. In my apartment, very green. In this blank street cafe at the bottom of my street she’s a sunshine most citric. Did I say that already? my blood electric, neon mint and sunshine citric? I’m gonna go for as long as I can keeping it mostly on default settings, not installing any browser other than Safari, not enabling devtools in Safari, not installing Xcode Command Line Tools. Any time I have to go back to the other computer to do something, I will take a note that this is a way we are failing to serve. Patchwork isn’t good enough, Computer isn’t good enough, software is not soft enough, Computer isn’t cute enough.

I’m so cool and I’m so hot and I’m so cute and you’re so not.

Writing this entry right now, I’m using the Sveltia CMS install I added recently to my blog. My regret at switching away from Wordpress continues unabated. A directory full of Markdown files just isn’t the one. A static site just isn’t the one. Static anything isn’t the one. Magic moves. The purpose of life is to follow magic and to grow the soul. And to increase the amount of joy in the world while decreasing the amount of pain. Maybe what I need is for my posts to be web tiles or web fragments. little isolated islands that I can have many different editors for, should I want to make a post that is or contains a little world. Should I want to paint and draw and have little places you can live together. The light has shifted and now it looks like a banana.

There’s a new quiet party album(?) on the way. Maybe it’s called cherries or sunshine or /)) or something. Lots of songs bubbling out, and some (like the demo attached above) remixes of songs I wrote a decade or two ago and the deleted from the Internet. The demo is wrong. Wrong BPM (is 100, wants to be 124), wrong octave sometimes, messed up the words twice, there are two parts that need flipped, there’s a bit that’s got singing that should be instrumental. But it’s gonna be a banger I think right? Thank god.

S Club 7 just came on the cafe. Bring It All Back. Oh the keychange. Remind me on hearts and stars or whatever it’s called to include many key changes. And also to include Rachel Stevens. And a sample of Cordelia saying “you think I’m never lonely because I’m so cute and popular?” maybe I should call the album so cute and popular. so plump. oh on that subject I weighed in at 89.5kg yesterday. that’s the first time I’ve been under 90kg or 200lbs for a long, long time. ninety bags of sugar in the shape of a girl, like Björk. I’m now lighter than a Charizard. still taller, though.

Oh, talking about creatures that are taller and hotter than other creatures! It’s my dearest sweetest most beloved Becky Avery’s birthday today! happy birthday. you’re the birthday girl!!! may there be many more years of you being hotter, taller, sparkly-eyeder and funnier than me. Though we only see each other once every one point seven six months they are six point eight one recurring of my fave days and nights of the year.

Did I do anything of interest this week? I had a chat with Goblin on the videophone in a folder, that was cute. Oh! and I handed over the keys to the estate agent SO I don’t live there anymore, I live here now. “publish time” doesn’t feel like it makes sense for the way I write. I want, like, a range. When I started, when I finished. A progress bar showing time and the sunshine and my location as you scroll down.

I’ll add a button to my website that lets you feel my pulse and hear my breath, and if you send me a stamped addressed envelope I’ll send you back a vial of my blood. And you can taste it, and mix it with your blood, and we can paint on our faces and maybe we’ll taste it and then we can use the em dash again.

And I’m filled up to the brim, bubbling over with love and joy. It’s all going to schedule, all under the tumbling, all to the card. Silent focus, cerrar mis ojos and pull myself out of a hat. lvx, baby. ↕▵◻.

🩷💛