British Summer Time GMT+1

week 33 of 2024

Welcome!

I allowed myself to sober up for 36 hours, and learned after a couple nights good sleep that I am quite sad and lonely! So, I won't be making that mistake again. Though tequila is quite expensive and not available on the NHS for some reason.

This week I had a few bad phonecalls, and wrote some okay code, watched some TV, and chatted to some interesting new people. On Friday night I went out for a walk, down a street I've walked down many times, but it led to a street I've never seen with new shops and parties. I'm not sure where I was but eventually I found the fox and firkin from an angle I've not come at it from before.

I was wrong, Megan, I'd never actually listened to that Björk album and honestly it's crazy that that is your favourite but I listened to it on the way home and it was extremely upsetting, but I enjoyed it and I understand.

The writing in these entries has been lacking lately, that's a shame. sorry to anyone reading. I cannot imagine improving that, or making music or doing anything that requires a working mind. , how would it come about? I've purchased a whiteboard and it's full of text and plans for a piece of software I may or may not ever write. The challenge , because without constant distraction my thoughts quickly wonder into the kind of territory that is an anxiety and (s|m)adness machine and with enough distraction then they aren't there at all. A day was wasted installing Linux on my macbook for no good reason. A classic activity in times like these.

Let's pause here for a moment, and remember the truths of alchemy and the magickal practice of Silence. That's when you want to talk about it so much, that it's nearly bursting through your skin electric light through every pore. That holding onto it focuses not only you (who cannot speak until it is complete), but God or Fate or the collective unconscious. Thy will be done.

sleeping nearly upside down
  one palm against the center
    eating very bad

maybe i can beat it. what if i say that i must make a pot of chili and a piece of music by midnight, and post both here?

can i be driven by that? is that enough? it's 7:34p.m. now. i've been writing for a few hours, without much to show for it. but i've made it all the way into the kitchen now and even emptied the dishwasher. i can imagine a world where i even take the clean sheet out of this washing machine and change the bed. ok. i will do it.

time goes by...

it appears somehow the beef mince i bought today has already expired. a horrid, deeply unsettling smell the evokes a reaction that must be ancestral. i didn't notice until i already started cooking it, because what is blood supposed to smell like? the red onions... and their friends.... it's okay. i can try again. i will have a smaller goal, i'll simply get all these vegetables and empty bags and boxes off my bed instead.

you broke my heart. again. and you didn't seem to think there was any problem with it. and if i am sad... if somebody can't talk right now it doesn't always mean they're mad, you're not the only thing happening in anybody's life.

and that's good not bad.

they're meant to separate, that's the problem. that keeps being the problem! treating two separate processes that need to be done one after another, in different frames of mind, like it's one thing. you must write, then edit. you must do the science (exploration) then the engineering (implementation).

it's been a while since i cried. gets caught in my throat. then i'm holding on to it.

so it's 10:25 now. chili is absolutely off the menu. tomorrow i will cook an omelette for breakfast. and make coffee. then we will see about how to put humpty back together again.

i met becky down by the shore of the thames. it was a beautiful evening sitting on the sand by the oxo building and trying to put the future together. she's going to be playing a large egg in a pantomime.

time passes

it's 11:07p.m. now.

time passes

it's 11:55p.m. now.

well, i guess the answer is no

British Summer Time GMT+1
function add(a, b) {
  let el = document.createElement("div")
  el.style.setProperty("font-size", `calc(${a}px + ${b}px)`)
  return parseFloat(
    el.style.fontSize.match(/\d+(?:\.\d+)?/)
  )
}

1.1 + 2.2 = 3.30000000000000003; but add(1.1, 2.2) = 3.3

British Summer Time GMT+1

week 32 of 2024

do you like water?

slurp slurp.

this week there were various events. hang on, let me get the tequila. we're having Soho House Picantes. by we i mean you and me. here is yours. it's that time of the year when there are horrible little flies everywhere, and those big curious fellas too who have something to say about everything. buzz buzz buzz.

work has been fine. but, uncertain horizons. we will see what happens next. and what happens after what happens next.

a few nights ago an old friend came over and we sat on the ground against the wall of the church and cried a little about this and that.

there hasn't been much of anything but a little tequila here and there, some snacks, and writing a whole bunch of code. and reading a lot too. reading a lot of code. have you seen this thing? https://movablefeastmachine.org

  • txt.chee.party
    • a (what's a word for when something has less than minimal?) collaborative markdown editor
  • worldwideweb.chee.party
    • also a collaborative editor
    • but with some service worker fun so you can import files (html, css, and js) from other pages you've made
    • any page you send someone they can also edit as long as they have a # key
    • it's straightforward but hard to explain
    • warning also that page may well have changed between my posting it and you're reading it because anyone can edit it by putting a # before the path
    • maybe the readme would help
    • or this footnote[1]
  • automerge-repo-solid-primitives
    • a few helper functions to use SolidJS with Automerge
    • this doesn't yet have my separate autopatcher/autoproduce library for deep fine-grained reactive documents. that's still living in its own heavily tested folder in another repo that's currently going through a big rewrite
  • couple other things too
  • general mischief

at some point i need to do any or all of these:

  • wash
  • drink water
  • eat a healthy meal
  • go outside

an old friend came over last night and we had a good chat and i'm a little more optimistic about the future. by future i mean the next couple of weeks.

some time i hope to make music again, but it seems impossible right now. but i know from having lived a long time the illusion of continuity. it seems unimaginable now. but later i'll be doing it, and unable to imagine a time when i wouldn't.

the sun sets at 8:29p.m.


  1. i— it's actually not very much but it's kinda tricky to explain.

    ok so. when you go to a url, it installs a service-worker that intercepts all page requests that have a path in them.

    it takes a path like like /$id.$ext it takes the $id as a document url and $ext as an indicator of the correct content-type

    it sneakily loads the document called $id from the Automerge* storage and then returns that

    https://automerge.org/

    if there is no path, then it will interpret anything after a # the same way, but instead load you an editor for that file!

    so with these two things together:

    you can make pages, scripts, stylesheets and reference them from each other <script src=/$id.js and share them with peopel

    but also anyone with the URL to see it can also edit it by putting a # in front of the path

    so that page above is https://worldwideweb.chee.party/3oM1kJ39NMMUKBw3WqEH5g9NR5R2.html and/but the editor for it is https://worldwideweb.chee.party/#3oM1kJ39NMMUKBw3WqEH5g9NR5R2.html

    the editors are also collaborative so everyone on the editor for a certain file can see everybody else making changes to it in realtime so not only can anybody edit a page you send them.... everybody can edit every page together

    ↩︎
British Summer Time GMT+1

week 31 of 2024

time to learn to do it by and for myself again. how is it? i did it for a while, right? i can do that without getting up at 5am i hope hehe. i had so much to say before but now that i'm on the mike i'm choking. my week was perfectly normal. i wrote some Automerge stuff, finished up a breakup, slept poorly.

i kind find my glasses right now but that's okay because my eyes are closed.

when i arrived home with the cushion and socks she was already putting her boxes in the taxi, i helped with the last few and we held each other and said goodbye and i forgot to hand over the socks. they have little boars on them. i have a cushion now that says "estrella" on it with a star, someone in the Railway gave it to me. it's pretty dirty and needs a wash, so am i and so do i.

i'm struggling to remember specific events or stories that seem mine to tell. i wanted to say something about teaching each other not to need each other but i don't want to any more.

my app is in a completely broken state because i started rethinking it because i got too excited about the future i started thinking i could build it but i'm not smart enough nor persistent enough to build it.

i'm not going to fall apart, i'm just going to drink a little more tequila and go back to sleep. they gave me a glass on wine in the sock shop. i think the week was strange and busy, wasn't it? i haven't taken any notes. i don't want to see or hea any more flies i've seen and heard enough of them.

it's so empty here and i fucking hate it

British Summer Time GMT+1

week 30 of 2024

i've become extremely unreliable.

i broke things at work, nobody could post the news for 6 minutes.

i tried my best with everything else but i guess it all fell apart.

i took things poorly, but it's okay, everybody knows i should never ever do this.

we had a nice time at the rooftop cinema, nothing went wrong even at the end. the next day dinner at persepolis was nice but it went wrong at the end. on saturday and sunday it wasn't as good, because they went wrong at the start. sunday improved a lot as it went on, but i did spend £180 on tickets to a festival that we never actually made it to. we made it as far as the field outside the festival and then lay down, then went home and went into a k-hole.

i did not enjoy the first part of saturday, but i did enjoy the second part of saturday. i did not enjoy the first part of sunday, but i did enjoy the second part of sunday.

the future is uncertain and concerning and full of fear and heartbreak and some "the first time" that will be bad. maybe there will be good too, but not much stability and i don't think i'll be doing all of this stuff with CRDTs and Signals because that requires some brain power and that is not going to be there in the future.

be kind to yourself and others