This is probably going to be a long one. It should be, anyway. Let’s see. It’s lucky i’m cute because i am so stupid.
a ver.
i don’t know about the week, pero on friday i was feeling lousy and ugly and bloated and so i went for a walk. the walk was fine, but i felt so ugly and yucky and grosss and so i jumped on a random train, the next one pulling into the station. it was a cannon st. i got out and went towards the seahorse. i had one drink there and then i needed to pee, and not feeling confident enough to use the gendered bathroom so i went to work and peed there. i didn’t have my pass with me so it took a little sweet talking to get in.
despues i walked out and let the night take me. every toime a light turned green i crossed the road. it wasn’t too many roads later that i spotted someone pouring an entire bottle of red wine into a half-empty bottle of pepsi max. i shouted “kalimotxo!” and he asked if i’d like to meet 200 people. I followed him to the pavilion while he explained he was at a cultural meetup at the Tate Modern with 200 people that was organized by a guy who owns a bar and that after these cultural meetups people go to the bar he owns to buy drinks. clever. when i had stepped outside to have a cigarette i had a short chat with an older man in spanish, which was exciting for me. su esposa es colombiana pero vive en londres, tiene dos hijas pero ambas viven en california. at the end of the night there was david, oxana, louise, a guy who looked like tom cruise called Val, and me. they wanted more night. i brought them to the seahorse. there was karaoke. i sang where is my mind by the pixies. i killed it. we danced, we sang. i met some other people who brought me to popworld, but things got super weird and confusing. though a nice italian girl called ilaria drew a heart on my face with permanent marker. but yeah, they all fell out with each other or something weird and then they left.
after popworld i purchased a bottle of patron and walked across london bridge. i stood in the very middle of the bridge listening to snow tha product at the top volume of my ob-4 speaker, pouring myself shots. once i carried on down the road past the bus stop i put an order in for a taxicab, but then i met un grupo de hombres colombianos and stopped to chat with them in spanish. they did not speak much english, and of course i only have so much spanish. it was a lot of fun chatting to them. both parties at the limits of our knowledge of the other language, finding new ways to communicate and staring right in the eyes to confirm the meaning was getting across. i spent an hour with them drinking patron en la calle.
after that i woke up in lawn chair in borough market. i didn’t know borough market had lawn chairs until i woke up in one. it was time for breakfast, and so i went to padre for tacos. yo compre tres tacos al pastor and wet upstairs on the bleachers to eat them. they had real mexican limes.the meat is not slow cooked, like al pastor should be, but it was very very tasty. it was at this moment my telephone chose to produce for me a video slideshow of my time in mexico last year. sofia looked so happy, i looked so happy, we were both so happy. i started crying, very very messy crying. very ugly. i learned that if you are crying your eyes out in public that very nice girls will come over and ask if you need anything. girls rule. i explained to each girl that i was just at that moment processing a 3 month ago breakup because of the tacos. i didn’t need anything, thank you lila and biker chic girl. once i’d finished crying i went to la farmacia a comprar some new eyeliner because i had cried all my eyeliner off. walking through borough market reapplying my eyeliner without a mirror i thought actually do need something. a makeup mirror. i stopped by at one of the cheese retailers to consider at length which would be the largest cheese i could fit in my mouth at once. a nice american lady named Jewel filmed me purchasing a very large £7 cheese and trying to fit it in. i nearly choked. my fingers still smell like cheese. it was quite nice cheese. i had a chorizo sandwich from brindisa. i went to the market porter. i defended catholicism to a protestant boyfriend of a catholic girl. a lot of my memories of the day are missing. i was kissed on the lips by an argentinian trans girl at the empanadas stand. eventually i met a nice pair of girls called claire and meg in the market porter and we talked for hours about dogs and life. it was time to go home. i went to the new cross inn. i helped a man understand what being trans means. eventually he tried to support me and help me get home and told me that he was going to be there for me. i did not appreciate it and i asked him to leave me alone, he became forceful and i grabbed him by the hair and pushed him away. i was ejected from the new cross inn. outside there was a very cute couple who brought me for pizza and fish burgers. they were adamant we would see eachother again but we never will. it’s one of the best things about london. you will never see anyone again. you can go out and make hundreds of mistakes, build and burn a thousand bridges, and then tomorrow you will wake up and there will be a thousand more. it’s one of the worst things about london. it’s lonely. it’s why i’ll never leave.
i woke up a few hours later walking, i don’t remember starting to walk. i don’t remember losing my phone. all i had was a loaf of bread, a bag of coffee beans, and an aluminium saucepan. i walked from new cross to blackheath. i took a lot of wrong turnsl it took hours. i am home now, hundreds of pounds poorer and without a phone. i’ve been talking to a nice weirdo from tinder on telegram but i think i shared too much of myself and it is over now. walking home i kept repeating to myself “necesito volver a mexico”. maybe it’s true. i was happy in mexico. yo era feliz.
