Monday

• you know it turns out i did have a good time at that party
• made a new friend hopefully, who lives near by, would really like to be their real friend and i hope it happens
  • i did at one point call them a "vital, life-filled husk" which i hope only endears me to them
  • stunning personality
• couldn't sleep and watched a bunch of movies. 🎬. mole agent was potent.
• i mostly was a little dead. i was sick too, physically and mentally. i got some messed up news at work that i can't even think about rn.

Tuesday

• watched Aliens

  • my old mentor recently became the owner-operator of a brand new baby who has been named Ripley

  • james cameron wants you to respect your mother.

  • james cameron wants you to remember that capitalism sucks and mothers rule

• i'm writing this on Sunday, in a world away from all the shit that happened that i don't want to think about. 5555 miles away.
• i enjoyed the movie Lady Bird. it was nice to be able to watch a coming of age movie without wanting to kms every time there was an emotion. that's real progress.
• There is ketchup and lettuce in the burger.
• found out my notice period from work is 12 weeks lol, that's so long
• new friend told me they got glowing feedback about me from their oldest and closest friends
  • i'm also a huge fan of their oldest and closest friends. they are very funny and we laughed a lot. also one of them told me i have nice skin which is the biggest lie anyone has ever told anyone but it was still very touching.
• liz likes BIG rabbits, brace likes ROUND CHUNKY rabbits.

Wednesday

• in my dream there was a guy who believed in a COMPLETELY flat earth, like he didn’t believe in hills or any kind of incline or decline at all
• had an interview with mixcloud, it went fine.
• full of anger, bitterness, resentment, so fucking tired.
• was really depressed this day. just did not want to live, did not want to travel, did not want
• had so much left to do for my trip, didn't want to do any of it, very dark hole
• Madeleine Albright popped clog
• long furby

Thursday

• day off to pack for mexico
• spent a lot of the day lying very still and just unable to experience novelty
• i had shit i needed to sort out but, like,... for instance:
  • i needed to book a hotel room for my last night in mexico
    • i scrolled up and down a list of hotel rooms
      • no neurons fired
        • like, i just couldn't... think, no tengo any thoughts at all
• went for a lovely long walk
• suddenly became reacquainted with a girl i used to know when i was a teenager. i love her dearly. strange to be talking to her again. hopefully will meet with her in person in londres when i vuelva.
• anyway i got something thrown together as far as packing and went into a k-hole

Friday

• day of flight.
• woke up at 4am, finished packing, had a key of K
• at 6am i had a key of K and went to train station, all trains canceled
• went home, had a key of K and booked a taxi
• when the taxi arrived i had a key of K and got in
• got to the aeropuerto with plenty of time to spare
• went through security, drank a strawberry flavoured huel (disgusting), walked around
• went to the wrong gate, sat down and relaxed
• realized it was the wrong gate, panicked and ran
• made it to the plane on time
• sat in between two people, one moved though and i ended up with a window seat and a middle seat. quite nice. drank some wine. couldn't figure out how the plane worked. people kept getting brought drinks. i was too tired to talk to anyone.

viernes

• arrived in mexico. taxi from the aeropuerto was a wild time

  • i thought chicago traffic was nuts

  • fucker cut across like 3 lanes, massive turn, cars coming right at us, no seatbelt

  • at one point the driver switched lanes like half a second before a brick wall started separating the two lanes

  • and it was such a whip that i banged against the door

  • and the driver laughed like “haha, made it”

• hotel is lovely, incredibly central. HOTEL CASTROPOL, look it up.
• lovely room
• turns out you can download an app and then install an eSIM from it and then buy a data plan for that eSIM? futuristic shit? i have thousands of mexican megabytes now
• i have filled my hotel room with Clamato Cubano and beer and corn and tajín and valentina sauce. and tostados and frijoles refritos negros and beer. it's great here.

sábado

• having a terrible time not being able to communicate with people
• i accidentally stole breakfast
  • breakfast was meant to be included?
  • but i went to the restaurant and they handed me a menu with prices?
  • and so then i ordered food and ate it and then i couldn’t figure out how to pay ¿so i just left?
• walked for miles and miles and miles, had a lovely time, everything is beautiful and everyone is beautiful
• for the first time in 8 weeks i really want to smoke cigarettes. they all have their original branding here and there are lots of hot girls smoking cigarettes and eating corn and i want to be them.
• said "woof woof perrito" to a dog. it was creepy.
• i just walked around all day, occasionally eating some lime nuts and drinking clamato and a lot of water.
• back at the hotel room i got a call from the restaurant explaining that i had stolen breakfast. i went down and paid.
• things i've learned about myself being in a country where i do not speak the language
  • i hate not feeling in control of how people perceive me
  • i cannot stand not being able to communicate freely with people
  • the rudeness i feel not being able to speak spanish is 1:1 transferable to self-hate like amex points to avios
  • the alienation i've been feeling, the loneliness even in crowds or groups of people that are meant to be my friends, this has not been entirely alleviated by being surrounded by people i cannot talk to
• met a poodle who was wearing a pink nike sports cap
• talked to a man in the street trying to sell me something and we laughed a lot and he told me i am funny and it was fucked up what a huge relief it was for me hahaha
• tried to pick up my festival tickets from the ticketmaster in Liverpool (a department store)
  • i could not find the desk for AN HOUR and when i finally found it they had closed it 1 min ago (it closes 1 hour before the rest of the store)
  • when i walked up to the desk the person manning it said something, but i had headphones on and i didn't hear it.
  • i pushed one ear back and and was like "¿que?" and they glanced back up and said "Hasta mañana" and then looked back to their work. lol. cold as ice.
• walked forever. kept trying to find small money and elotes. eventually got small money. thought i found elotes.
  • there was a lady on the corner with a bucket full of boiling cobs
  • i walked right up to here ready to ask her cuánto
  • she did not look up
  • i guess they were her personal cobs¿?
  • i left her alone

domingo

• feeling a little better, have been speaking a little Spanish. sometimes have been doing gestures and then when the person says something like "ah, ¿otro?" or "ah, ¿¿todo bien??" i'm like "¡¡sí!!" so that's been good. i just have no confidence to speak, even when i know what to say, even if it's something like "lo siento no entiendo" my voice literally hides down my throat behind something, feels like it's tucked in behind a throat bone and i can't even vocalize. really funny
• went out for a walk, had a latte, made some music
  • i've been walking around with a cassette recorder recording background sounds, and am making some music with that. which reminds me, i recorded somebody playing a trumpet and should put that in the sampler
• i think i accidentally left the restaurant a terrible tip. this is an improvement on leaving them no tip, as i did yesterday. i'm having a really hard time understanding the money. i think the bellhop also was expecting a tip when i got into the room. i feel like a bad guest. it's okay though.
• i know there is a negative tone to a lot of the bullet points here so i will clarify that i am incredibly happy here. very comfortable. it feels very homely. i don't want to leave. milk is delicious here. everything comes with lime. there is so much corn and joy and music. i'm so happy. sunday is not yet over, and i suppose i should be more thorough about taking notes this week because too much should have happened by this time Sunday next that it will be too much to type up !! ok i need to go buy a travel adapter.

xx love you