week 51; 2022

Merry Christmas!

I’m still sick! It’s gross!!! weird goo!!!!! from my chest!!!!!! texture of grated carrots in cream!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m doing a low-carb diet until March, which also probably means no alcohol for a while.

In late 2017, a low-carb diet was an eating disorder for me. My body weight dropped by half in a crazy short period of time doing keto and starving myself eating chemicals for dinner. It wasn’t healthy, it was bad for my mind. Hoping I could disconnect my self worth from my size, I let myself gain weight again and stopped thinking about it. Then my hands and feet started tingling. I started seeing rainbows in the white light from lightbulbs. I got diagnosed with diabetes. Knowing I’d given myself a chronic disease by getting fat tested my self esteem.

Some early studies were showing signs that you could reverse diabetes with a diet that helps burn fat and sugar build up around the liver. Low-carb diets. Essentially the same diet that morphed into the eating disorder that I was trying to recover from when I got diabetes. This was not something I could navigate mentally or spiritually at the time. Recently, though, well… i haven’t felt lonely for months; i’ve got that amour de soi; i don’t want for anything emotionally; comfortable with myself; confident; happy. And more studies have been done, 12 weeks low-carb can put it into remission. 12 weeks! That’s nothing! I deprive myself of things in private for months just for fun all the time.

I’d like to take this moment while I have your attention to recommend that you get off Twitter, don’t tweet, avoid reading tweets. And i don’t mean go to Mastodon, don’t do that either. It’s the same but worse. I’m begging you, for your health, for everyone’s health. I implore you. Do whatever you need to. Act like avoiding twitter is your job, track your progress if you need to. Delete the apps, the tiktok, the instagram, the rest of them. Avoid nutrient-poor culture. Join a magic order, join a club, go to the cinema, go to the pub, read sci fi, draw a picture. I’m not saying “log off”, the internet is great and really cool, but don’t you want to be around the people you love? talk to people who understand you, love you, know you? rather than a world of trolls and scolds and the impulse to say the worst thing you can imagine because that’s what gets the most reward? Social media is a high school we never leave.

Merry Christmas!

I’m going to get super high and watch movies now. Maybe i’ll play a video game later. And I’ll definitely be going for a classic Christmas walk.

i love you, good bye, see you next year xo