Week 12, '23

Wow. I completely forgot to write a post yesterday. That’s wild.

What happened last week? I started making a corned beef brisket. It will be ready to start cooking tomorrow. It’s been brining in the refrigerator since Thursday. I’ve been having a bad skin day for about a month now. My testosterone appears to be high. I don’t know why, my medication hasn’t changed. I see some studies that say keto boosts testosterone. Maybe I need to up my anti-androgens or eat a pizza. There’s not much else to report really. I’ve been shopping for vintage pyrex. I got a bowl in the pattern my grandmother had when I was growing up. A pattern from which I ate my weight in Irish stew many times over. I’ve also sourced a couple of casseroles and lasagne dishes in the milk-on-rose gooseberry and daisies patterns. They haven’t arrived yet but they’re on their way. My outfit today is a pink shirt dress dress that looks like an old floral hand-me-down quilt sewn patch-by-patch over generations by midwestern mothers and grandmothers. I’m also wearing pink velour sweatpants and a pink sweatshirt with cherries on it. This will go together with my pyrex when it arrives. Then I will never go outside again except to the market to pick up ingredients to bring home to my pyrex to put in the oven. There were some things that were meant to happen last week but they all fell through. Spring is becoming more assertive in its threats to break through the dark and the cold. There’s a beautiful cherry blossom tree visible from my window and I find myself staring at it longingly while japanese orchestral music plays in my mind and everything else fades to black and white like schindler’s list. Stress is unusual. It can present in such unexpected ways. Mine is currently presenting as a fantasy that i’m a red head goy girl who grew up in 60s Manhattan and married a jewish jazz musician called Leonard Katz and my name is Kathleen, named after my grandmother, and everybody calls me Kitty Katz and i’d better go because Leo will be expecting something on the table when he gets back from the schvitz. I need to take a break. Maybe in April I will take a break. A taco bell has opened nearby, maybe the solution to my high testosterone is to eat taco bell three times a day. My yearly tarot told me April would be a particularly hard month when i’d have to resist falling back into my bad old ways. I didn’t believe it at the time but that was back during the optimistic high living days of Avatar 2. Now my skin is disgusting, my hair is ugly and there’s a taco bell next door and I’m stressed and John Wick 4 is out. It’s okay, though. Everything is actually very chill. I’m very chill and well-adjusted.