week 45 of 2024

i’m in a caffè nero.

the world is over but it's a-ok!
because i kissed a pretty girl yesterday

monday. again my fucking guts. feels like i’m being reupholstered. it’s cold as fuck in this house. can’t find the thermostat. had a dream, i’d finally found a useful organization app, but i’d signed up in such a way it kept dead-naming me when i logged in. Hello Shadows! had to break into a government facility through the gym locker room. a little hazy.

feeling ill, throwing up, a stomach bug? the day off, can’t get too far from the bathroom, can’t focus. ring ring, ring ring. back in london. okay, okay. well, i’ll forget about it. it’ll be okay. better this way. better this way.

are you available tonight?

i'm available tonight

how does 7pm sound?

7pm sounds fine

waterloo?

how about edgware road

i love edgware road. 7pm?

i'll be at edgware road by 7pm

okay. shower, breakfast, make-up, clothes.

i’ll bring a gift. two pairs of socks. might already expect them. it was in the entry. got to enjoy these few hours. might be last few hopeful ones for a while. of course after that there’ll be some fine music, some good writing, unhinged nights, some buffalo trace. but that’s not the same as happy. what am i going to do for three hours!? i work a little in secret.

leave early, arrive early, green valley, around the block. a handsome young arab gentleman stops me outside the restaurant and gestures for me to take off my headphones. i take off my headphones. he fingerguns, points me up and down with bost index fingers, “i love your outfit. very cool”. i say thank-you and i love your outfit too. okay. so i have the arab vote. that’s all i need. 4 mins. maybe this is goodbye. but it’s dinner? is dinner goodbye?

intermission. i’ve been informed that an account i never opened on a bitcoin website ive never visited is going to be deleted tomorrow

i give her some gifts, she has some for me too, we eat lentil soup, we hold hands and we cry and i say everything i wanted to say, it’s so easy, it’s fun to talk, we lean over table and we kiss, we split the bill, the bill is £44.44 (so that’s £22.22 each), we barely touched our dinner, we’ve never left so much food uneaten before, we walk around and talk about music and politics and laugh and laugh and she is smart and pretty, and we leaned against a little post and stare into each others eyes a long time. someone wolf whistles from a passing bicycle. someone rolling past in a chair shouts “kiss her, kiss her!” and she kisses me and we go home

you know when you’re smiling and you can feel it strange and foreign in your face like you haven’t used your smile muscles in a minute?

oh, i found the thermostat. goodnight.

here’s an interesting detail. trump got fewer votes this time than he did the time he lost. the democrats didn’t lose to trump. they lost to people giving up. they lost to the disaffected, the alienated, the unrepresented. the country isn’t sliding to the right. the western world isn’t sliding to the right. the parties that used to represent the working class are.

and yeah, it really sucks. but you not being to sigh a breath of relief might be a good thing. vs a knife entering your heart so slowly you don’t even notice it breaking the skin.

there is no salvation in the battlebox.

choo-choo. and zoo-zoo. and choo-choo. and conf. and belgian fries. and choo-choo.

met a nice lady on the train. she’s from small country. she reads tarot. never for herself. she’s from small country. very sweet, very gentle. i enjoyed her company in the 1g network area between there and here.

roe v wade was overturned in june 2022. after that the dems had 2 years. 2 years! the republicans got punished at the battlebox. the democrats were given a mandate. 2 years. why didn’t they codify it any time then? why not now even? they’d never have anything to run on to distinguish themselves from the republicans ever again, because they’ve become republicans on the border, foreign policy, the working class, immigrants, cozying up to the rich and powerful.

there is no salvation in the battlebox.

bourbon, curry, justified. timothy olyphant is so pretty. beautiful day. beautiful night. beautiful day. vashti bunyan, train song.

seem to have caught a throat bug at the ffconf. i’m like a super-getter. i’ll catch anything everywhere.

just so you know, guys. we’re closing in five minutes.

i’m a homosexual, frances.