This is probably going to be a long one. It should be, anyway. Let's see. It's
lucky i'm cute because i am so stupid.
a ver.
i don't know about the week, pero on friday i was feeling lousy and ugly and
bloated and so i went for a walk. the walk was fine, but i felt so ugly and
yucky and grosss and so i jumped on a random train, the next one pulling into
the station. it was a cannon st. i got out and went towards the seahorse. i had
one drink there and then i needed to pee, and not feeling confident enough to
use the gendered bathroom so i went to work and peed there. i didn't have my
pass with me so it took a little sweet talking to get in.
despues i walked out and let the night take me. every toime a light turned green
i crossed the road. it wasn't too many roads later that i spotted someone
pouring an entire bottle of red wine into a half-empty bottle of pepsi max. i
shouted "kalimotxo!" and he asked if i'd like to meet 200 people. I followed him
to the pavilion while he explained he was at a cultural meetup at the Tate
Modern with 200 people that was organized by a guy who owns a bar and that after
these cultural meetups people go to the bar he owns to buy drinks. clever. when
i had stepped outside to have a cigarette i had a short chat with an older man
in spanish, which was exciting for me. su esposa es colombiana pero vive en
londres, tiene dos hijas pero ambas viven en california. at the end of the night
there was david, oxana, louise, a guy who looked like tom cruise called Val, and
me. they wanted more night. i brought them to the seahorse. there was karaoke. i
sang where is my mind by the pixies. i killed it. we danced, we sang. i met some
other people who brought me to popworld, but things got super weird and
confusing. though a nice italian girl called ilaria drew a heart on my face with
permanent marker. but yeah, they all fell out with each other or something weird
and then they left.
after popworld i purchased a bottle of patron and walked across london bridge. i
stood in the very middle of the bridge listening to snow tha product at the top
volume of my ob-4 speaker, pouring myself shots. once i carried on down the road
past the bus stop i put an order in for a taxicab, but then i met un grupo de
hombres colombianos and stopped to chat with them in spanish. they did not speak
much english, and of course i only have so much spanish. it was a lot of fun
chatting to them. both parties at the limits of our knowledge of the other
language, finding new ways to communicate and staring right in the eyes to
confirm the meaning was getting across. i spent an hour with them drinking
patron en la calle.
after that i woke up in lawn chair in borough market. i didn't know borough
market had lawn chairs until i woke up in one. it was time for breakfast, and so
i went to padre for tacos. yo compre tres tacos al pastor and wet upstairs on
the bleachers to eat them. they had real mexican limes.the meat is not slow
cooked, like al pastor should be, but it was very very tasty. it was at this
moment my telephone chose to produce for me a video slideshow of my time in
mexico last year. sofia looked so happy, i looked so happy, we were both so
happy. i started crying, very very messy crying. very ugly. i learned that if
you are crying your eyes out in public that very nice girls will come over and
ask if you need anything. girls rule. i explained to each girl that i was just
at that moment processing a 3 month ago breakup because of the tacos. i didn't
need anything, thank you lila and biker chic girl. once i'd finished crying i
went to la farmacia a comprar some new eyeliner because i had cried all my
eyeliner off. walking through borough market reapplying my eyeliner without a
mirror i thought actually do need something. a makeup mirror. i stopped by at
one of the cheese retailers to consider at length which would be the largest
cheese i could fit in my mouth at once. a nice american lady named Jewel filmed
me purchasing a very large £7 cheese and trying to fit it in. i nearly
choked. my fingers still smell like cheese. it was quite nice cheese. i had a
chorizo sandwich from brindisa. i went to the market porter. i defended
catholicism to a protestant boyfriend of a catholic girl. a lot of my memories
of the day are missing. i was kissed on the lips by an argentinian trans girl at
the empanadas stand. eventually i met a nice pair of girls called claire and meg
in the market porter and we talked for hours about dogs and life. it was time to
go home. i went to the new cross inn. i helped a man understand what being trans
means. eventually he tried to support me and help me get home and told me that
he was going to be there for me. i did not appreciate it and i asked him to
leave me alone, he became forceful and i grabbed him by the hair and pushed him
away. i was ejected from the new cross inn. outside there was a very cute couple
who brought me for pizza and fish burgers. they were adamant we would see
eachother again but we never will. it's one of the best things about london. you
will never see anyone again. you can go out and make hundreds of mistakes, build
and burn a thousand bridges, and then tomorrow you will wake up and there will
be a thousand more. it's one of the worst things about london. it's lonely. it's
why i'll never leave.
i woke up a few hours later walking, i don't remember starting to walk. i don't
remember losing my phone. all i had was a loaf of bread, a bag of coffee beans,
and an aluminium saucepan. i walked from new cross to blackheath. i took a lot
of wrong turnsl it took hours. i am home now, hundreds of pounds poorer and
without a phone. i've been talking to a nice weirdo from tinder on telegram but
i think i shared too much of myself and it is over now. walking home i kept
repeating to myself "necesito volver a mexico". maybe it's true. i was happy in
mexico. yo era feliz.