๐Ÿฐ chee cherries quiet party

entries tagged โ€œarticlesโ€

British Summer Time GMT+1

Sunday, July 25, 2021

What to say about this week?

We went out for a kind of anniversary dinner on Wednesday at a gluten free restaurant called Niche. The photos they use on their website make it appear like a large dungeon, but it's a beautiful small restaurant with a floor-to-ceiling window all along one side and an incredibly nice all/0-gender bathroom the size of my flat.

My notes for this week are mostly angsty song lyrics that I will have to burn, but let's see what I have:

  • i went to see people from my office job play rounders on monday
    • it was a lovely day that went on until 2am
    • there are some things i want to write about, but i don't know how to
    • my boss's boss's boss asked me and some other spectators to "post some shit" in the corporate slack, so we posted some shit in the corporate slack
    • a stranger at a bar grabbed my right tit and squeezed it while making direct eye contact with me
  • i just wanna choo-choo and keep going
  • i didn't realize that activating the break clause on my apartment would mean the estate agent would be bringing people to my house every day for the next 2 months
  • we watched the whole Olympics opening ceremony on Friday morning when i was off sick
  • keep finding myself staring in the mirror thinking about what a fat dumb bitch i am

out of one's element, in one's cups

here's a track i finished today. i'm either ahead of my time, or a terrible musician.

i always thought "one's" was spelt "ones" like "its" and "hers" but the dictionary of english idioms told me it was "out of one's element" and "in one's cups" and i'm no hemigway

good night, sweet one

British Summer Time GMT+1

Sun., Jul 18 2021

Monday

  • I have no friends here. I will be alone alone
  • it's been a long time since I've felt intense sadness in my chest all the time like this. it's really fucking annoying
  • 3 years of stability and union, after a life time of lonely chaos, I am not ready to return but I am powerless to stop it
  • he'd visited a freecycle user's porch and picked up two large cardboard boxes for us. one was branded for ethical toilet paper, the other said "old world new world out of this world"
  • when he'd got back I was sitting on a bench, crying, feeling hectic, holding it in, texting people about it. I had my hair pulled back hoping the sun would repair the large white and pink stripe it left on my face the day before. we went inside. I couldnt take it, I left again.
  • we went through some drawers and binned some things. I cried when I found the pink Gameboy I'd given him the day we met.
  • I jogged with him to Peckham Rye station
  • I don't think I've ever jogged before
  • we had coffee and lunch at a little table in the sunken garden by One New Change
  • I was sick and I went to a meeting and he went to an exercise class for gays and did high intensity interval training
  • we got caught in the rain, he wrapped his brown hoody around his backpack and we went to Oxford St so he could get new exercise shorts
  • we hid in a secret Costa upstairs of Oxford Street Next and had flat white and espresso con panna. i'd ordered an iced flat white, and they made me a hot one. i sucked it up
  • we went to Wagamama and had rice noodle "ramen" and "naked katsu" (two foods whose names contain a lie) and non-gluten prawn lollipop
  • it was a wild wet day in the end, we walked all over Oxford Street and Queen Victoria Street and took northern and bakerloo
  • I was sick and sweating and feeling physically drained
  • he got me a skipping rope and I skipped in the park with other people around
  • blood sugar 5.7

Tuesday

  • was sick but went in for a meeting again.
  • so much anxiety, so irritated by it. have stuff to do.
  • stayed in a hotel Tue and Wed.
  • it's one of the smallest rooms I've stayed in. maybe smaller even than the tiny place in Paris where I suffered an ear infection, with the blood black wax. that place had a desk, so seems bigger in my memory. but it also had a slanted roof, so maybe smaller by volume
  • room 120. easyHotel. feel so sick. choked on a chicken satay stick
  • had a 4 hour chat on the phone with Simon Legg about love, law and loss. and the JFK assassination
  • lay on my back and listened to Conga Y Timbal by Los Yagarรบ
  • what will happen?

Wednesday

  • I woke up and i regretted it immediately
  • had a dream I shaved my head down the middle (it was patchy, looked like Danny DeVito), was replacing someone's wireless electronics I'd secretly installed in the bush for their dogs with a single long German wire. it was at Harmony Drive, the corner of Harmony Hill. I was meant to call Abe to talk. long dream. Philadelphia Cheese was called Partido in Spain , or maybe Kraft was called Partido.
  • I slept on my hand with my wrist bent all the way back and woke up In pain. do that a lot
  • feeling needy
  • spending the day alone to give him time and space to think
  • in the dream a stranger offered me a hug because I'd stopped in the street and was staring at them, I thought I was staring in the middle distance but when I looked more closely at them I realised they were right
  • a new firmware was released for the op-1. it fixes all the crackle and pop.
  • drank several beers and a couple of litres of kalimotxo

Thursday

  • hello! good morning. i woke up and drank a quarter of a bottle of kalimotxo.
  • I can't enjoy music and if I turn off podcasts (which I'm not really even listening to) for more than a few minutes then I become consumed by own feelings
  • I have to force myself to eat every mealtime because even though food seems impossible to face I know it will get worse if I don't
  • im still sick too.
  • trying to maintain a blood alcohol level just over that which would make it illegal to drive
  • i thought we had more time
  • listened to You're Not Alone by Andrew WK on repeat and cried in the park. a dog came over
  • i text and asked if we could have a "chill night". Abe came home and we played fortnite
  • I'm trying to be normal but I'm so awkward

Friday

  • We had a nice breakfast (overnight oats (or cold brew porridge as kara's partner correctly calls it)) with chopped cherries and yoghurt
  • We got a iced coffee from the general store and sat in holly hedges and had a morning chat
    • I'm so awkward
  • feeling better, went into the office to work
  • had a prawn cocktail and a Manhattan for lunch in Harry's Bar
    • the cutlery was really heavy
    • I was surrounded by bankers
    • there are four kinds of men at Harry's. bankers, ex-bankers, budget Hemingways and trans boys
  • met Abe in the Whitechapel gallery after work, then we sat in the grass. I don't know how things are
  • we went to Nando's for dinner. walked by the river down by the Tate
  • fell into a weird sleep

Saturday

  • I don't remember the morning. it was so hot. I think I drank some kalimotxo.
  • went to the park near Nisa Local to read and make music. I'm working on a good one. a dog came over and we gave it water from our bottles.
  • later on I went to a housewarming pool party in the back garden. I met some neighbours for the first time. they were all very nice.
  • later (1am) I met some people in the park who were having their monthly park bench wine party. they were very nice too.

Sunday

  • hungover
  • hot
  • at night we lay on the grass and looked at the stars
British Summer Time GMT+1

Sunday, 4th July 2021

  • Happy 4th of July!! ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ โ›”๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡งโ›” ๐Ÿ›ธ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐ŸŒ

  • when we were in North Harrow, we visited a Pound Land and bought Dark Crystal on DVD

    • we watched it finally on Wednesday, but the English track didn't work (completely silent), so we watched it in German with English subtitles
    • the bad birds screaming "ICH BIN DER IMPERATOR" was quite powerful
  • Rummy died

    • the BBC closed their obituary with a quote from someone comparing him to the Cheshire cat. "It was a grin of supreme self-satisfaction and behind the grin might be nothing at all"
    • remember when donny rummy did a speech announcing major cutbacks to the pentagon budget on Sept 10 2001
  • there's a badly produced but important podcast about the spycops inquiry here: https://www.spycops.info/ -- recommended listening

    • there's not much news coverage on the infiltration of left wing groups by cops
      • some times they took positions of power within the organization
      • some times they entered into long relationships with women and in a few cases got em pregnant
      • most of the cops have been allowed to remain anonymous
      • there was a chance for journalists to see some of them give testimony on live video, and the only paper that turned up was the Morning Star
      • the event is not being recorded. journalists are allowed to request an audio stream, but most people can only access the court transcript
      • anyway, all of this is legal now
        • under this bill the police can legally commit crimes as long as it is "in the interests of the economic well-being of the United Kingdom", or national security, or preventing a crime or disorder
          • lmao
  • the ocean went on fire

  • the man who prosecuted Oscar Wilde also started the fucking UVF

  • ๐Ÿด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ฅ๓ ฎ๓ ง๓ ฟ๐Ÿด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ฅ๓ ฎ๓ ง๓ ฟ๐Ÿด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ฅ๓ ฎ๓ ง๓ ฟโšฝ it's coming home โšฝ๐Ÿด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ฅ๓ ฎ๓ ง๓ ฟ๐Ÿด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ฅ๓ ฎ๓ ง๓ ฟ๐Ÿด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ฅ๓ ฎ๓ ง๓ ฟ

British Summer Time GMT+1

Sunday, June 27th 2021

  • we went to heffalump and weasel for abe's vaccine on Tuesday
    • i had a too-sweet salad from pret and worked on ๐Ÿ›ธ**I WANT TO LEAVE** ๐Ÿ›ธ
  • on thursday afternoon i released ๐Ÿ›ธ**I WANT TO LEAVE** ๐Ÿ›ธ
  • on thursday night i went to the park with some nice new people and drank calimocho and kalimotxo blonde until 2am
    • it was nice, they were nice, it was good
  • saturday was trans pride. i stayed in bed and whittled cotton buds
  • gpg seems to be crumbling before our very eyes
    • sks-keyservers.net is down and deprecated
    • keys.gnupg.net just pointed at that, so it's gone too now
    • debian are no longer using gpg for signing packages
    • what's going on?
  • the pentagon's UAP (u.f.o.) report came out on Friday.
    • they timed it to go along with the release of ๐Ÿ›ธ**I WANT TO LEAVE** ๐Ÿ›ธ
    • turns out the pentagon needs more money
    • the reporting on it embarrasses itself acting as if the pentagon's "confusion" can be taken at face value
  • i made a cooked breakfast this afternoon
British Summer Time GMT+1

sunday, june 20th 2021

  • on Monday we went to Hyde Park and Green Park and worked on the grass
  • Metformin is the first thing I've identified as responsible for painful shits and then continued eating it twice a day
  • it's been so hot and unpleasant, but that Sun Light is good strong stuff
  • On Wednesday, Abe went to a party and I lay in bed in the terrible wet heat unable to sleep
    • ended up cooking a chili at 3am and watching Oliver Stones W and Nixon and also the 90s classic She's All That
    • the movie She's All That contains an unexpectedly long choreographed dance to Funk Soul Brother by Alice Bartlett's barista
  • Yesterday I made an Atari Punk Console from a kit
  • today is the 3rd anniversary of Unpleasant Cultural Shift

screengrab of freddie prinze jr. in She's All That smiling beside a framed photograph of himself smiling

Freddie Prinze Jr. retweeting himself

photo of tails from sonic the hedgehog excitedly smiling beside a sign depicting tails from sonic the hedgehog smiling and giving a thumbs up

tails retweeting themself

when i'm on my death bed maybe i'd like to be shot and killed by charlie sheen while tiesto's adagio for strings plays in the background. maybe i can arrange that through cameo.com

British Summer Time GMT+1

Sunday, June 13th, 2021

  • I got my first shot of Pfizer's on Monday
    • the road to to vaccination was like a little treasure hunt
      • covid-19 vaccination signs from denmark hill all the way to a small building hidden out the back
    • after the vaccine we were given a piece of paper, about 1cm by 2cm, with a time written on it. i was told "Find an empty seat without paper on it, and when you leave put the paper on the seat," before being seen into a room of chairs laid out in a checkerboard pattern
  • The vaccine really beat me up, and I had a few days off work with a sore arm and some flu symptoms
    • my immune system is already a huge mess and doesn't need any encouragement
    • it kind of felt like when you get high for four days by eating a whole nutmeg
  • I've started working on a second UFO album, this one is called ๐Ÿ›ธ I WANT TO LEAVE ๐Ÿ›ธ
  • i got my laptop back from lenovo. they replaced the top and all my stickers are gone, including many hand-made ones and a shiny PARTY HARD sticker
  • apart from that I've been playing fortnite, going for walks, drinking dry martinis (straight gin)
  • have a good day
British Summer Time GMT+1

trick for making live recorded midi sound really really good but still alive in a daw

so i don't know what the "ignore grid" binding is in ableton

but in bitwig it's hold shift while dragging

so basically you just listen through and when a note is clearly out of place

you griddlessly drag it to the grid marker

but do a bad job