I’m roasting a chicken. I don’t really want a chicken, but I have all these vintage pyrexes now and a cute apron and what else am I going to do? Yes, well. It’s in the oven now and it smells delicious.
There were a couple of eventful weekends. Several bottles of tequila disappeared inside a rabbit and I visited some bars and made some very fast friends. Entertaining, but brief. It’s cute when drunk people tell you they want to keep in touch with you. Even if you tell them to their face that you know this is not going to happen, they’re so damned sure… so sure. I made a date, too. But it fell through. There are flowers in a vase on a little table with some birds on it. The pub around the corner houses a robin’s nest now, they’ve placed some old menus against a wall to protect the brooding birdy from hungry fox and kitty cats. The table with the flowers on it, I found that in the street. It’s got robins and tits and metal legs. It looks like something my grandmother would have had.
It’s getting to be time to have a picnic. I’d love a good reason to buy a cute picnic basket and blanket from Selfridge’s. Also a good reason to spend days corning beefs, and boiling eggs and making cucumber sandwiches.
i just made a lasagne in my pink daisies vintage pyrex, it’s so cute. it’s delicious. it’s so cute. it looks so cute in its little pink outfit.
i drank several bottles of tequila and text several unexpected characters from my former lives. several exes. currently deep in some chats with some people i honestly never thought i’d speak to again. i’ve learned that a lot of the things that are interesting about me are symptoms of borderline personality disorder. the week was good. it was fine. i’ve still been having a hard time actually getting out of the house. part of it is because i remain having very bad skin. at the moment i’m going through a whole thing where my body hair is darker than normal, and my facial skin is thinner and paler than normal. this combines in an unexpected way where i find some dark hair above my lip, try to remove it, and the removal process cuts and bleed and then leaves a moustache made of blood. that’s been going on for weeks now. today i tried to even-up my eyebrows and ended up maknig them less symmetrical. I used the wrong tools. i really need a haircut.
i got a couple of new dresses. they are adorable. i look so cute. it would be so fun if i could go outside and look cute outside. a picnic. maybe a picnic would be good.
um… so what do you want to know? i want my money back.
Wow. I completely forgot to write a post yesterday. That’s wild.
What happened last week? I started making a corned beef brisket. It will be ready to start cooking tomorrow. It’s been brining in the refrigerator since Thursday. I’ve been having a bad skin day for about a month now. My testosterone appears to be high. I don’t know why, my medication hasn’t changed. I see some studies that say keto boosts testosterone. Maybe I need to up my anti-androgens or eat a pizza. There’s not much else to report really. I’ve been shopping for vintage pyrex. I got a bowl in the pattern my grandmother had when I was growing up. A pattern from which I ate my weight in Irish stew many times over. I’ve also sourced a couple of casseroles and lasagne dishes in the milk-on-rose gooseberry and daisies patterns. They haven’t arrived yet but they’re on their way. My outfit today is a pink shirt dress dress that looks like an old floral hand-me-down quilt sewn patch-by-patch over generations by midwestern mothers and grandmothers. I’m also wearing pink velour sweatpants and a pink sweatshirt with cherries on it. This will go together with my pyrex when it arrives. Then I will never go outside again except to the market to pick up ingredients to bring home to my pyrex to put in the oven. There were some things that were meant to happen last week but they all fell through. Spring is becoming more assertive in its threats to break through the dark and the cold. There’s a beautiful cherry blossom tree visible from my window and I find myself staring at it longingly while japanese orchestral music plays in my mind and everything else fades to black and white like schindler’s list. Stress is unusual. It can present in such unexpected ways. Mine is currently presenting as a fantasy that i’m a red head goy girl who grew up in 60s Manhattan and married a jewish jazz musician called Leonard Katz and my name is Kathleen, named after my grandmother, and everybody calls me Kitty Katz and i’d better go because Leo will be expecting something on the table when he gets back from the schvitz. I need to take a break. Maybe in April I will take a break. A taco bell has opened nearby, maybe the solution to my high testosterone is to eat taco bell three times a day. My yearly tarot told me April would be a particularly hard month when i’d have to resist falling back into my bad old ways. I didn’t believe it at the time but that was back during the optimistic high living days of Avatar 2. Now my skin is disgusting, my hair is ugly and there’s a taco bell next door and I’m stressed and John Wick 4 is out. It’s okay, though. Everything is actually very chill. I’m very chill and well-adjusted.
On Thursday evening I went outside for perhaps the first time in March. As the oxygen started to re-enter my bloodstream I recalled I was in a very similar state of mind before flying to Mexico last year. Perhaps this is just what March is like for me.
On Friday I went into the office eventually. It was nice. Afterwards I attended the birthday bash of my at-work idol. It was a lot of fun. I saw some people I haven’t seen in quite a while, and met some new people who were very lovely and funny. It was a splendid occasion and I’m quite touched that I was even invited and I will cherish the pencil.
My upstairs neighbour appears to have purchased at least part of a trumpet. Their practice lacks ambition. They seem to be struggling with embouchure, but I can hear them distracted by the valves– clattering on them needlessly. I’d recommend practicing with the mouthpiece alone and forget about the fingering for a while, so futile without the lip. You’re doing fine, I believe in you, keep at it.
I’ll get off the computer again now to do some cleaning and prepare something tasty for dinner.
If you have a free moment, and/or enjoy sending things in the mail, look at this cute project and send it a postcard: https://utopia.sadgirl.net/
An international postcard is £1.85. I usually just stick two first class stamps on when I’m sending a postcard to the United States, and then drop it in a normal postbox. That’s 2x£1.10 stamps. I hope the postal service puts the extra 35p to good use.
Anyway, it’s cute and you love sending letters so you should do it!
I’m going to take my horse to the old town road and ride until I can’t.
I think I’ll have to stop eating vegetarian as it has presented as me just not eating anything at all. It all went well except that one evening last week when I literally forgot tuna is not a vegetable. I do enjoy a dietary restriction, though. It’s a fine hobby. Perhaps i’ll start eating kosher.
Spent most of the week drinking way too much coffee because of the new espresso machine and grinder. I keep wiring myself up to the highest degree and then freaking out. Feeling super anxious and wondering why as I top up my v60 with espresso. I should probably start drinking alcohol again, to bring this coffee consumption back under control. Also I must think of my readers. The engagement’s just not the same as back when I took meth. Those were the days, JetPack stats off the chart.
Another blessed week of doing very little. I’m writing a parser for KDL right now. Getting into Common Lisp like this has made me understand why people might enjoy missionary work. When you are possession of such light, such joy it feels wrong not to share it. Especially when all somebody would have to do to reach this same heightened state is to let it into their life, accept it, let it save them. I’ve got a print copy of the specification sitting on my kitchen table. I read it in the mornings over coffee.
My updates this year seem to be “worked; wrote common lisp; canceled plans to leave house”. This week is the same. It was my birthday. As you know. I was planning on eating cheese in the bath like on new years, but instead I spent the day shopping for a new espresso machine and then getting the espresso machine and then looking at the espresso machine. I was meant to go out on Tuesday night but I have some really bad gender-dysphoria-going-on-agoraphobia type thing at the moment that has kept me safe and quiet in my home. My home has no bubble bath in it. It has coffee. The problem with the new espresso machine is it’s very good, and now I need a new grinder. It’s funny how these kinds thing work. Tier one, you pay a little but you have to do everything yourself. Tier two, you pay a bunch more money but everything is done for you. Tier three, you pay an extremely foolish amount of money and you get to do everything yourself. There is a pair of zuchinis on my kitchen table and I don’t know what to do about it. At work I published a post on the internal blogging platform. I mentioned it had been my birthday and explained that everybody who didn’t wish me a happy birthday is now on a list. Afterwards people DM’d me on various communication systems wishing me a happy birthday. Do they think that gets them taken off the list? The list is immutable. There is no way off the list. I have a headache. I’m probably dehydrated. I’ve probably never wished any of them a happy birthday. Not sure if the headache is getting worse or if it’s more noticeable now that I’m trying to write. Maybe it’s a lack of oxygen. That’s not just for coffee, that tier system. Other things too. Many hobbies and crafts are like that, aren’t they? I’d crack open a window but it sure is cold in here. There isn’t really a list for people who didn’t wish me a happy birthday. Maybe I could go for a walk. OK, I’ll turn the heating on and crack open a window. I ate two eggs today. Two eggs ought to be enough for anyone. I guess it’s 6pm and two eggs isn’t enough for anyone. OK. I guess I’ll spiralize them, the courgettes, eat them with cheese.