October 10th Twenty-twenty-one

I’ve just returned from my morning constitutional, and now it’s time to write a blog post.

pissed off this week
- someone I’d made plans with cancelled at the last minute and then ignored me for three days, so that pissed me off
- someone I invited to my house cast aspersions about the place and mocked my claim that i would be able to keep it tidy. it’s a home I’m very proud to have made, where everything has a place, and I work on keeping it clean every day. so that pissed me off
- people keep attributing changes in my personality to “age” “maturity” and “getting older” that are the result of a lot of work getting over mental illness. i have to work at it every day, but it makes it seem like I could have instead just waited until I was 33. so that has pissed me off
- someone made a joke about how the work I’ve spent months on has made their life slightly more inconvenient, so that pissed me off
i’ve spent my whole life letting myself be disrespected by people who were meant to be my friends because they didn’t understand me, or they thought i was insane. if you don’t respect me now, you can fuck off, im busy.
been listening to ELECTRIC SHOCK by FUFU on repeat all week
- they are a trap artist from Costa Rica
- they are non-binary
- they are so cool
- they switch between English and Spanish while they are rapping, sometimes in the middle of lines, and it sounds so good. it’s like they’re doing skateboarding tricks in my ears. they’re so cool
- i found it in a playlist called TRAP DIVAS but then i read their twitter profile and one time they tweeted “i am a boy.. and i am a girl… no es difícil de entender”
- before that they tweeted “blue boy”
I had a delivery from mexgrocer.co.uk on Friday and have been living quite the life of tacos and chili con carne
- this morning i started the day with a kind of improvised huevos divorciados; in this case two eggs (sunny side up, lightly steamed) separated by a river of refried beans. one egg with salsa verde and the other with pickled red onions, sour cream (both of which I made yesterday) and hot sauce. I had no red salsa.
my life is finally a good balance of work, cooking, art and raves.
i’m working on a game for the PicoSystem called CHICKEN EGG HOLE
in which the chicken puts the egg in the hole

animation of chicken egg hole being played. it shows that the chicken avoids colonel sanders to put the egg in the hole. if the chicken goes in the hole, the screen goes black and display "chicken hole :-(" — CHICKEN EGG HOLE

chicken egg hole teaches you to load sprites, take user input, and have win and loss states
- colonel sanders is only an obstacle. but maybe the obstacle should be piles of straw and maybe colonel sanders should eat the chicken and maybe colonel sanders should eat the egg.

Sunday the 3rd of October

chee rabbits standing in front of a large screen displaying a seahorse — seahorse

something i expected to happen didn’t happen
simon legg is in london
nothing has really happened. i have only been working and watching movies and having Large Naps.

Sunday 26th September 2021

Hello!

Finished everything I promised to do for work for the rest of the year, so will be spending Q4 sleeping
Went to a gig on Wednesday night with two of my favourite people (pixie and ducky)
- it was good
I went to the pub that is a 180 second walk from my desk in my flat.
- it describes itself as a local pub for everyone
- i asked for a london pride and they said “i wouldn’t if i were you”
- it’s a nice place

bought some socks with hedgehogs on em, and some socks with rabbits and eating carrots

not much has happened, really. the real excitement in my life at the moment is unpacking and organizing
- what about this: roll your cables up and put them in labeled sandwich bags
  - it’s great! i have all my wires and cables in one big bucket, but they are organized and don’t entangle one another
- i got a dyno junior label maker and have labeled all my cupboards. i have places for everything. it’s great
in 2019 alice bartlett made some charming little booklings as trophies for documentation day.
unwisely i packed one at the bottom of a box when i was moving
it is looking worse for wear

a beat-up green runbook figurine stands on top of an audio interface, looking
out over some teenage engineering synths. it is making a groovy sideways thumb
gesture with its remaining arm — BRAVEST RUNBOOK

i have relabeled it “BRAVEST RUNBOOK” since its little label fell off.
here it stands watching over the electronic music area of the house, where it has been very helpful to me
i think i was in the middle of making a latte, and then got distracted by sweeping up, and then got distracted by putting stuff away, and then got distracted by setting up this little electronic music making area (i took apart a wallplug with a screwdriver so i could pass the wire up the thin gap at the back of the alcove), and then got distracted writing this and so now i should probably unroll those events until i hit latte
thanks!!
OH! i forgot to tell you about when i went to give the keys to the estate agent, and the End-of-Tenancy cleaner “declined the job” 30 minutes after arriving at the apartment 1 hour late because it was dirty. anyway. Fantastic Services are not, in my experience, Fantastic.
- it’s also nearly impossible to get a hold of anyone to talk to, it’s really bad

Sunday, September 12, 2021

i never intended to write weeknotes
- i wanted to write a blog post every Sunday
  - so that at least once a week, i wrote something
- it was meant to be ideas like the founding of nintendo or posts about projects like today.snoot.club
- but then things got busy and weeknotes was easy to post every Sunday
- but it’s meant that i don’t post as often during the week, and i only ever capture things in my notebook during the week rather than on my website
  - that’s been good a veces, too, because in my notebook i can write whatever i think about something without checking if it’s what i really believe
    - i can make mistakes and try things out without thinking about my coworkers, my ex, my ex’s mother, and the complete strangers who came here from The website of Alice Bartlett
  - but i regret how it means i don’t post as often, saving things up for the weeknotes, and how it means i don’t working on longer posts containing actual prose
- another thing is i don’t post videos or images very often because i can’t figure out how to add alt text from the android app
  - i’m going to try to post and fix up later on computer
the first twelve days of September have been longer than the whole rest of the year
- and this hasn’t been a particularly easy year
- i’m working on something at work that is taking a lot of my energy
- then at nights i’ve been packing
i just got the keys yesterday to my new place, it’s great here.
- a pale slim ghost kindly rented a van and helped me move my millions of boxes today
  - i am so tired, my little feet, my little feet
first home cooked meal in my new home

it's an improvised curry i'm calling "chicken balti masala" because i didn't have any yoggy to do the tikkaing and i replaced most of the spices with my homemade balti mix lol. there's a tin of heinz cream of tomato in there

my todo list has manifested physically

a room filled with cardboard boxes and the natural light coming through the single large window — gotta unpack all this before ikea gets here. also my favourite sock pair of **monkeys on one foot, bananas on the other** has started to disintegrate.

i am so tired. i am having a nap, having a nap, having a nap.
i’ve been playing the guitar and keyboard and remembered that’s so much fun.
- excited to make new, less rigid, music
when i finally had the door closed and was alone in my new place, my whole body started cracking and crackling like a bowl of rice krispies. i can move, there is space to move
¿You ever admit something unexpected to yourself like “I love these monkey and banana socks”?
I forgot how hard it is to sleep in a new place for a big scaredy-rabbit like me
because nobody will ever see me naked again I will no longer shaving my legs above the knees
i hope you are having a nice weekend

Sunday, August 29, 2021

hello everybody! I hope you are having a good weekend, and had the opportunity earlier in the week to become “bank holiday ready”.

Last Wednesday I received an e-mail from a company asking me if I was Bank Holiday Ready I thought “that’s not a thing”. I received another, “are you bank holiday ready”, I wondered if it’s like HD Ready and there’s also a state of True Bank Holiday. Once I got 4 or 5 of them I really started to reckon with it: I may not be bank holiday ready, and maybe i should be buying ham, beer, a British Airways flight and a table at flat iron square.

I sobered up for a while. Let myself feel some feelings. Mostly it turned out to be anger. I wrote a lot, processed some things. I used to think the opening line from Elliott Smith’s Twilight (“I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time, better stop now before I start crying”) was needlessly melodramatic but it’s very tangible now. Any amount of laughter is likely to turn to sobbing. I deleted all my group and family accounts and subscriptions, packed some more, and viewed many more flats.

I’ve made an offer on an apartment near Blackheath. It’s very nice. Hopefully I get it, it’s currently waiting for a reference from my current landlord. It’s fun that my current landlord can stop me from getting another place to live.

Blackheath is lovely. Lots of trees.

I ate a haggis beef burger under a weeping willow on the Peckham Rye and like Blake saw a vision of angels.

I’ve watched about 11 movies this weekend. The best was Promising Young Woman.

but who do I text when I realize I’m the largest rabbit in the world?

Anyway, I’m over the first hump. I’ve accepted it, I can see it’s the best thing for the both of us. Feeling stronger every day.

August 22, 2021

sleepy
sleepy
finally watched Derry Girls. watched the whole thing in one day. then watched it all again.
it’s much easier to look after someone else than to look after me. making sure somebody else gets good sleep and has tasty healthy meals to eat means reaping the side benefits of healthy meals a sleep schedule. now i don’t have that, i’m up til 3am watching x-files and eating deliveroo
x-files is actually far too spooky for me, and leaves me in a spooked out place where i have to use the second lock on the front door. normally i only use that before i shower
when i’m alone and sad i watch a lot of tv lol
the new MST3k is great
i still haven’t bought shoes, it’s been 3 weeks now lol
i’ve just been packing packing packing and crying and crying
- starting to consider having someone take all the boxes to the dump instead
still have no idea what my life looks like 1 month from now
going to go and try to buy shoes today
sorry, i’ll be back to happy posting by the end of the year i promise

sunday, august 8th 2021

had a lovely lunch with alicebartlett.co.uk
did lots of viewings all week
got the second shot of the vaccine
- it beat me up, but less than last time
- but, i’ve recovered from the vaccine into having some kind of a cold? it sucks
i bought a portable cd player
- back in the day the big thing was 3-second anti-skip
  - this one has 40-second anti-skip!
  - it calls itself jogproof
- i went to the charity shop and bought every CD they have that i had any connection to
  - i have a pretty weird collection of albums now
  - eminem, bloodhound gang, shania twain, elliott smith,
i cooked abe a steak dinner on wednesday
- it made him very happy
i need to take a holiday
tried to watch Luca, but it was a movie about two people getting two know each other and that was too much and i had to go cry my eyes out on the sofa
had a nice coffee with abe on friday
went to a charity shop and dropped off some formerly cherished belongings

the wet ground with chunky fleshy berries red and yellow

I wish I was whatever animal eats these chunky berries. maybe a fox? or bodger
had a dream where i met somebody called Mippen
- their mother lived in the foreign ministry
- they took my coat home, with my passport in my pocket
- after the place crashed, they walked on their knees and drank from the river
Sevenoaks seems like a nice place to live
- it is an island, surrounded not by water but by the national trust
- there’s a station there called Bat & Ball
- there is a train that goes from Sevenoaks/Bat&Ball through Peckham all the way to Blackfriars. it takes about an hour
- the train has a declassified first class, and originates at sevenoaks. so you will nearly always get a little table and a place to plug in computer
- it’s quite cheap too, for somewhere well connected
i often feel like a dog that got into the school
i bought some superglue, on the back it says “if you need help: go to loctite.co.uk”
sat in a park singing along to my elliott smith cd, and text some people from back home to find out what the craic is
- everyone is older now
on saturday evening me and Abe went out and drank beers in a park and talked for hours, then we went to a bar and he lay down on my lap
this morning he left
i’m sick and really annoyed about it
anyway i’m going to visit loctite.co.uk

something new i do when i can’t sleep is i make chili. i have a hard time sleeping when i’m alone. does anybody want any chili?