i put my hand on the bible and i solemnly swear
leave the mall with more shoes than i can possibly wear

T-shirt idea:

i've been performing some dark acts of ritual magic in public and private for a while there and now it's time to bury it, bury it, into the super-conscious. Hopefully it's before I've done that harm.

The theory we're working with at the moment is that at some point in my youth i had some kind of accident where what should be my inner monologue got dislodged into my mouth and my subconscious got moved up into my brain

i'm so cool, but i'm so hot, and i'm so cool, and you... you're so not

To me now "listen to music" seems to exclusively mean "listen to Young Jeezy's Thug Motivation 101 on repeat"

i was going to perform an act of emotional surgery the likes of which the world has never seen, a carving from scruffy sleef grafted like tree bark onto skinny and shoeless but it turns out i don't need it; sometimes you just need to talk to follow a wizard into an ant hill and talk to a goblin

Met up with Gabriel to discuss magick with a k, nice young man, nice night; i was coming undone, of course. That was the week really til Saturday night, coming undone. I really should try to write something down about Saturday night for my own sake to refer back to later but it's in the chat logs, it's in the logs. but it would be good to put it in glass caps in case of emergency. For a lot of the week i was laying in bed shivering and shakering. Seemingly in response to small green circles beside little pictures. One by one. Have you ever had flu-like symptoms in response to dread? I didn't know it was possible, or i guess i did in theory but it's so real for me now. And on Saturday it was like I'd been struck by lightning. Imogen Heap pointed at me and said "the social computer", but it was not then. It was earlier. Knocked right out, crawled away, beginnings and endings.

not sure this is a vitamin thing
more i’ve ruined my life type thing
but thanks i’ll try magnesium

Middleton Green is middleton brown. No water upstairs in Bethnal Green. And Kat's Digital Micropublics Workshop was excellent and it was great to hear everybody talk and all their interesting ideas. But i was extremely out of it that day. Extremely out of it. Out and out and out. But there was a very good conversation in the afterwards. And i left ready the whole time in retrospect, and on the way home the pilot light was reignited by spontaneous combustion.

So that's the past, that's finally the past. I'm happy. Woke up ready to set the sky on fire. It was me the whole time. I'm sleepy now but today I went to SET Social which is a very special place that's in danger.

It was so sweet, some of it. And there was Sunshine.

artclubsartclubsartclubsartclubsartclubsartclubsartclubs

✅ true

i can not believe it's Sunday again and time to write. this week went like that. last one was one of them ones but this week went like that.

you live here all your life?

yes

do you love it?

y...e…s……….

so why do you stay?

other places it’s better to be on the beaches or the fields but here it’s better to work

other places it’s better to live but here it’s better to work?

yes *turns the music up*

did the french really invent going down a street and not being able to get out the other side?

Aug 24, 2026 at 10:09 PM EDT | 17°C Partly Cloudy | MP Reproductions, Montréal QC

i’m lying on my lil rabbit couch in my little rabbit hotel watching battle rap. would like to spend a little more time here. it’s a big mouse town. it's a sitting around on little benches town. it's a church next to the stripclub town. you know the kind of town? that, and a big mouse town.

i really wish -- no never mind -- 15 minutes of fame -- a quarter too -- i'm a dime short of a half dollar and you're a quarter too -- that is worth some time to think, that is worth some time

Aug 25, 2026 at 3:12 PM EDT | 21°C Partly Cloudy

i didn’t have time to get a new tattoo in Montreal, so i owe a piece of myself to that city must return

i'll quit my job and open a vibe shop like Velours

i popped into Kingston, it was nice.

Aug 26, 2026 at 7:21 AM EDT | 15°C Fog | Union / Mowat, Kingston ON

tim horton hears a hoo

Aug 26, 2026 at 8:12 AM EDT | some little clouds but mostly gentle baby blue | Megabus Terminal

i'm once again on the back of a cross-country bus. Though they don't have Greyhounds here anymore and I don't think they have anything that goes across the whole land. but i understand there are Megabuses that cover the East, Megabuses that cover the west. Some of real formative happenings happened towards the back of one of these kinds of big bus, nodding out (not from heroin, lack of sleep - but very similar to heroin without the nice lifting out of suffering). I'd come to and there'd be a city I'd never seen; a 7eleven parking lot; a rush-in-rush-out McDonalds pit stop "we'll leave without you!"; a river, a forest, a field, a white stone lime temple (might have been a bank), a desert like straight out of loony toons with a orange-mellow sand and cartoon cactus (looking back maybe they might have been the kind with little hats you can eat in Mexico). That was nearly 20 years ago. Just 2 was Barca-Paris-LDN. Two before that was between me and sof and the waterfalls, that's in here i guess. Both? Trains feel like transport but big bus don't, they're a place on wheels

The Megabus smells fascinating. Agent Smith really the most sympathetic character in The Matrix (1999) right now.

The sky today's all periwinkle peppered pale with salty clouds, i’m sitting in the back of the bus with my bag opened up. There’s a picture of the two of us! Yes, what a pretty sky like washed denim.

the cpsi numbers in Toronto are out of this world. Highest of any Canadian city so far

and it was lovely, LOVELY, to see Shehara and Marianna and meet their husbands. it's been two decades of anticipation. and it was lovely to see my friend Zaina. Shehara made a dip, we sat silly in the park and then to the One Star Bar with Zoozoo where i ate a bowl of chili until i got too sleepy to live and then me and Zoozoo went back to my place and talked.

The lady at the record store let me try the box chomper, that's the chomper that chomps boxes open from their protective plastic shells. And there's a toilet rusted shut and hinges clogged with uric clumps. When you're ready to be friends let me know and we'll go to the movies. Until then it's... all the stops hurt like clockwork. Sorry, forget I said anything. All the fixings in the bathroom are squeaking like they're tight new fits but they're tight from filth i think?

Zaina took me out to the ball game and it was such a wonderful night. There's nothing like a big baseball game. It's for everyone.

Remember when the hot dog man shouted “goof! fucking goof! faggot! white faggot!” at that dude outside the museum?

And Diana took me to a marvelous little gallery called Toutoune. Wonderful people. I love them, hope i will return.

There is so much more to write about that, and about Toronto. And if i don't write it now so much of it will dribble out of my ears and into the nowhere forever. But I've run out of time, I have 2% battery and it's already the day after yesterday.

I'm absolutely dreading going back to work. I don't want to talk to anyone or about anything at all to do with any of that ever again for as long as i live. Perhaps after a little nap and a bowl of chili i will see things differently. But right now the very idea with it fills me with a dread that is so wet i might drown in it, a slimy wet dread that coats the bathroom stall and there are things living in it and i can't even look at it because i'm afraid i might smell it or taste it or see it move.

I visited Eataly, Toronto. Didn't I write something about that? And Zoozoo came. It was so nice to have a friend. I could really move to Toronto and have a whole group of friends to just slot into, several little scenes. Also, some other day a guy from Ottawa showed me a photo of some boobs on his phone in the back of a coffee shop on Queen Street and then the barista called me baby and gave me a free cold brew. She was trying to fix me. It worked for a little while.

Back in the mild wild web. Can we have files that only exist when you're somewhere? But they exist for everyone who's there? It's time to open an art gallery / shop / tattoo parlour. i think the computer is part of it too. i feel a little like teenage engineering did when they made the op-1, everyone was going analogue. And Jesper was like hey, i think there's still some more juice in pure digital computer synth. there's more FM, more LPC, there's stuff in there. Let's make it feel good and lean into the computer. The girlies are making cyberdecks, they go into their little analogue bag. The analogue bag has an iPod in an unexpected turn on linguistics.

You know how Digital and Analogue mean like Discrete and Continuous? You can measure a newspaper column in inches, that's analogue. Or in words, that's digital. Quantative vs Qualitative research could get that too. We could rename them. Quantative research can be known as digital research or discrete research, and qualitative research can be renamed to analogue research or continuous research. Quantized is on a grid, but non-quantized is more true to life. Free, true, continuous, grainy. Infinite resolution research.

sorry - it's time to go and make a chili. i hope tomorrow i find out i'm going to be okay. but i don't know how to 7 of Wands without 5 of Swordsing it all up. or, i'm not sure i do. a wingless cauduceus carried by a disembodied griffin as long as we hold on to our emotions and focus on... well, i need to buy some celery and beans

lb got married. Congratulations, lb. Even bigger congratulations to Al who has convinced one of the world's most pure and perfect people to marry him.

YOU SAVE MONEY

at our

DRUG STORE

Let's see. How did the week begin? Me and Ivy and Beano had a little breakfast, and then we off to the airport and bid farewell fairly well at the terminal entrance. Through security, a breeze. And open Maps.app to see the journey from the airport to the shroom dispensary. There's the oldest one in Canada, so probably there.

NO

DANCING ON THE TABLES

And on the plane they let us in the emergency row know... with a level of sweetcute calm i think an unbefitting vehicle for the nature of the information, "the window'll fall in towards you and you can just throw it on out and climb out after it".

So we went up above the mountains and i listened to Geechi's third against Ave because i was in the mood to cry. Have you ever listened to that? It's good to find out if you're stone. Good heavens, clouds above the mountains.

Money is not Everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

Fear and Loathing in British Colombia

Though i did enjoy when that old guy was walking down the street with his wee earbuds in, scatting along. And i did enjoy when that troubled young man in the middle of the street shouted "shut up, shut up! you're being reduntant. And redun-dan-cy's no Fun-For-Me🎶" at nobody at all. And I did enjoy that extremely wiggly girl in Canada's First Shroom Dispensary. Ermine from the neck down.

And maybe it's me. Something missing? Pure exhaustion. Maybe I'll feel different after a night's rest. Maybe it'll be like Pokémon Hospital and i'll curl into my ball and it'll say "doot!doot!doodle-dee🎶" and i'll wriggle back and forth and wake ready to fight another day. But, right this moment? It feels like the facade itself. Like Neom or the Line. Surrounded by ghouls. Too clean in the wrong way, dirty in the wrong way too. I feel as though I'm standing inside Claude. I've entered the simulacra. That being said, the dispensary girl was extraordinarily slinkity, and knowledgable about mushrooms and in possession of a cursive middle. Maybe i'm missing something. There are wigglesome stoatesque shroom deities here. Maybe i'm missing something. Something else must account for the pure lack.

You don't have to be crazy to work here...
WE'LL TRAIN YOU!!!

Dreadful time trying to check into the hotel. They told me to telephone a URL. Couldn't take my card because it wasn't Canadian. I went back to the airport. Trapped. Got a hotel in Richmond. Slipped & tripped and hurt my little knees.

In the morning, hotel breakfast reminds me of abandoning someone in a moment of need, in some darkest moment. The news is on. Headline "17-year-old says his brand new camera stolen at Canada's Wonderland". Not a murder in the whole country, maybe. I'm on the opposite coast, a world away. Oh, Canada's Wonderland though... what a good idea.

At the end of the day i'm just a heffalump looking for my woozle. I wrote "big peeping through slats town" down in my notebook with a pencil, after the second sighting. One across the road from McDonald's Main Street. The other outside the first third wave. Shortly after writing it, I walked around the corner to where there was a building site with boardings that had built-in peeping slats with text all around inviting people to come and peep.

Met up with Brooklyn. Had a coffee, and a walk, quite lovely. Then went to stay in a little house by Trout Lake called Trout House. There was a very pretty cat, who appeared to be my hostess. She was very calm and friendly.

hi there, you will find your keys hidden under the cat

Every time I walk into a restaurant or a shop, everyone turns and looks at me like I've interupted them in the middle of a conversation. There was a nice group in the gay park who were paying the correct amount of attention to dogs. But nothing has dispelled the sense of alienation. I am without within this town. What's going on here? What flavour is it?

i was on the Granville Street Pedestrian Zone when it clicked. They had a little 4 square metre area of "public disco". I'm staring at the faces of the people within its bounding box. I know this facial expression, I know this emotion, what is it? Oh, yeah. yah. That is the face of somebody trying to have the appropriate amount of fun. They know they're meant to be having fun. But they aren't yet. They're trying to force it. But without going overboard into an inappropriate amount of fun. Next to it there was a piece of wall, just a bit of wall in the middle of street signposted "graffiti wall" and you could take a spray can on a string and spray on it.

This whole fucking city feels like a work social.

i got a little cherry tattoo on my left wrist outer. Might have to start smoking cigarettes again. taco bell and a cherry tattoo in the granville street pedestrian zone. An immaculately dressed older lady came up to me in the train station and told me she loved my outfit. She was wearing a black and white patterned blouse, white pants, white shoes and had bright red round frames. Goddess. I raided a Shopper's Drug Mart for every one of its Maybelline Cherry Lips Baby Me.

what about a "chamber"?

Tronto is what i would call a pet animal that had a little round body and a big head with a nose like a parsnip

take to the water the light from the sun

On Wednesday Mike took me and Boris out on a boat to an island called Galiano where Avi has a solar powered catamaran coastal cruiser. I had a Michelada. Had a lot of questions and some statements. But, that would have broached Forbidden Subject #2 (and occasionally #1), a breach i couldn't do.

There was a little seal after all. I told him about Lily using psychic tweets. He bobbed his little head. Perhaps they've met off Shetland. Afterwards we* went to a shell beach and ate some fancy spaghetti flavoured potato chips and looked at a red tree with a different name a little further down the coast.

*(Mike, Boris, me - not me & seal)

The boat trip home my phone died and i was up the front being shaken violent from side to side and top to bottom, crash and splash of the ocean against my face and going through it all - think a little about that little thing - and all of it, that were oil pastel slime scrawl over everything - grey glue i'm looking through, living through - armour steel chamber layer holding me still without any kinds of feelings - living a few minutes (hours, days, weeks) before and after the moment that i'm really in at once. sun-kissed and shaken loose, i cried my little eyes out. bawling, salt splash crashing onto boat & body. think of it: what it means, what it means means. it’s gonna be like that and be like that unless you ruin everything and what would you gain? from here the city looks like little cows standing in a field together. and i look like a strawberry now. and when we got to the dock someone had parked in mike's spot. he pushed the enemy boat out into the water and i winched it back up into its own home next door. a full body work out, and the soul, and a motion i associate with opening river locks or something being wringed right through a clothes mangle.

Saw a kingfisher.

Mike let me stay in his guest suite after dinner, which was very kind and probably saved me $250.

and i look like a strawberry now.

plane spoken

Aug 20, 2026 at 3:36 PM EDT | 24°C Clear | Calgary International Airport, Calgary AB

Back in Calgary for an hour. Picked up a magazine about doggies and a coffee. Onto the next plane, there was a baby beside me and in front of me. Everybody was excited to see the babies. It was very sweet, babies being passed around to strangers to bounce on the lap and say hello baby. Everybody on the plane is pretty and cute and smiley.

And then here we are in French Canada. Not such to say. Met elliot.website for coffee and was given a gift of a drawing of an ermine which was very sweet and i had a very nice time. i hope elliot.website did too. bought some beaver socks with maple leafs on em.

Then in the evening there was a party at lb's house with her and al's family and all of their lovely beautiful friends of whom i am already extremely fond. I was assigned a task, which i was glad of. To put on records when the records ended. I went with Neil Young's On The Beach, a Vashti Bunyan record and Nilsson Schmilsson. Sweet Erin drove me around the whole of Quebec to find some all-dressed Ruffles. There was a queue in the last open gas station in the province. Everyone was silent, holding strange things.

the wedding

And the next day was the wedding. A beautiful ceremony in a beautiful place with beautiful people. I cried a lot at the love, there was so much love. An abundance. It was so nice to see this person (a person who knows me better, probably, than any other person on earth. 12+ years of hearing more about what exactly was going on w/ me than anyone else), it was so nice to see her surrounded by so much love. Almost as much as she deserves. An asymptote. The speeches were great. All of them. Al's mother Gene in particular gave forth something beautiful. But, all of them. And i thought about some of the things i'd thought about on the boat, and reached different conclusions and cried different about them than on the boat. And on the bus on the way home i closed my eyes and found some other feelings shifting around inside my body.

In the morning, before the wedding, the man working the desk had called me “Mr Rabbits” which i did not like one bit and i wished to leave the country. But then the bus driver called me Mademoiselle and now i will consider moving to Quebec. I sat down on the bus and listened to the older family members talk through about storms and the Nickel City Cheese just a few kilometers up the road that makes all these cheese curds round here. The other cheese factory closed. It had the best curds. Once you go down south they’re like fake cheese curds down there, don’t have the squeak. It’s so nice to listen to them talking about storms, cheese curds and ginger ale. The white cream soda is too hard to find. Stewart’s cream soda is the one to get, the white one. And their root beer.

And during the wedding for a while i sat outside listening to the sounds. A little anxious, a little sad. The moon moves so fast here.

today

15	🛫🏩

16	🐯🫛🦓🧀🍃🏩

17	✈️🏩

18	🍄🍏🌊🐈‍⬛🏡

19	🚤⚓🏖️🌞🐚🏡

20	✈️🚕🏩

21	🏩☕☭👯‍♀️🐿️

22	👰‍♀️🏩🥰

23	🏩

	📍 YOU ARE HERE 📍

24	🚘! 🚌? 🏩?

25	🚍? 👑?🎢?

26	🎢???

27	🚍🏠??

28	🚍🐦⚾🧢(🏩?)

29	🏩???

30	🛫🛬 London :S 🪰

31	¿🏙️☕M:)? 

01	oh no

02	i don't want to do this

03	might be nice

04	oh no, i don't want to do this

05 🪵🐛🐈?

It's Sunday today. We're at about the halfway point. It's good that it was today. An overwhelming sense of relief. And a little grief. But the grief is gentle - slow release. Most's relief. And it feels as though there's somebody inside me perfectly folding sheets. I'm so at peace. Standing, looking out over the river, and I'm tingling on the lock. It almost stings, and starts to rain. Let's go and find some eggs and coffee and write. A couple hours before, I'm in a Korean shop in the mall looking at a wall of ear rings and bracelets. And I feel the sudden punch of it, and my thoughts shift to that little thing. But, oh, but... oh..! In the body, then the mind. That reminds me: anxiety and hangovers. And next door i'm in the Swatch store, bracelet watch like little candy niblets, little pez. There it is again. You know, but... it's in the body. That would seem like a done deal, except...

Maybe I've just got an overabundance of that overwhelming feeling of pure love as a natural fact of life, and some subconscious process is trying to rationalize it by attaching it to people. Like how anxiety does with memories of last night. If that’s the case then maybe i can separate them, that's worked with anxiety in the past. Let it live where it is in the body, and i'll go hang out somewhere else until it's done. But maybe in this case i want to stay right where it is but let it shiver everywhere and bloom instead of turning the nozzle and cutting off all the holes and getting one hard stream blasting against a single spot at a pressure nobody involved wants at all. Exploring the Top Five Spray Pattern Types; How To Detect Nozzle Wear. And it was fast after this, because i have some of the tools from a similar job before. And the tingling: i can feel the water rushing in the river, and the people around me and i could jump up on the lock and smell the rain coming, feel the rain coming, and see the sky about to rain.

if you're a chee rabbits fan you aren't a fan of me, you're a fan of yourself

it's scrappy, all of it, because it should seem easy

oh but i can't write this right now, i'm all out of phase

but - wow, there are zero thoughts at all - there was meant to be a bit there that's a.. it needs, that kind of, when it gets reweaved...

i've been completely taken out by a salt and vinegar crisp

it's so unbelievable to me, every time, before interfacing directly with a salt & vinegar crisp, that it could break a whole day

but then, crunched up with that, why more?

and then a lattice?

and then to carry on, you are inside the sound of a gun reloading in the coop?

waving.

so soon, one slice of romaine like that fat tapir sleeping.

the start of the week was nervewracked. but, there's a rule for the fortnight that means there's no way to dip into that stuff. then i packed my bags and got on the plane. the secret to life is to keep yourself about 2013 kanye without teetering over into 2023 kanye. so i'm going to start randomly shouting walt disney at the end of sentences.

used to hit the kitchen light, weird mice everywhere

now i hit the kitchen light, weird flies everywhere

i feel like, Jeezy, you might've made it. but i have all these little flies. weird ones. i went for lunch ice cream at a company's office and picked up a little spoon with nikhar. and slept quite poorly trying to give myself jet lag before i get onto the plane. and does anybody know what the inverted king of swords really means?

i've been making a little native rich text application for the mac and ios to take notes in for my trip. it syncs with automerge, and runs patchwork tools too. i made a change to it just before i left that drains the battery pretty bad on the phone. i guess i'll deal with that in September.

the zoo was so nice with the little bean and a butterfly went on me and we saw some red pandas and they were nice. and afterwards we went to the roasterie. i've been trying to write but i can't be careful inside my mind because i'm all fuzzed out. there was a hound on the Lizard on the way to Heathrow who looked just like razzmatazz who licked my tears on the couch when sían died. and i was early for the flight. and i got a tattoo after the zoo. and i brought astrid a rabbit from harrods. and downloaded some lux, rum, jaz, solomon. got pretty mousesick on the plane, it's a long flight. but then we landed and there were purple flowers, maybe thistles, fighting yellow flowers on the hill. they're strangled round each other, maybe kissing. and then at the roasterie that gentleman with the line on how life and light are linked "inextricibly" and the dna helix ends with telemirrors that pulse 100,000 times a second, that forests have the most "coherent light" and there's "a burst of light and then there's a corpse". it was unfortunate, the turn towards Churchill, white replacement, satanic pedophiles and fauci. and then that jesus loves me, "we're inside each others heart coils" which emanate "12ft square or infinite" and when you "speak your lifebreath into a word that's a three dimensional container for electromagnetic packages"

and so a wander through somebody else's memories, and they're the shape of memories. that's like a rollercoaster or a picturebook, or bitter food or mythology. i mean, "what's this little brass monkey, is he a samovar" and is this with an f or a ph? it's almost inevitable, but... the coffee won't work. merecat on the inside and fat tapir on the out. i really havent slowed down in well over a year, i've forgotten how to connect with when the wind pushes leaves or the rain falls. it's like that goo, nothing's ever the only thing on my mind. the last moment i can remember was the taxi after the train. looking into the dark, looking into the rain. "that's as far from me as i am from it", that old brick, but we were born in different centuries. i felt at peace, like this is perfect. but then it ramped up again, didn't it? and up and up and up. expectations every day, the pulling.

sorry

for this so long and lacking. we've been to the zoo. there was a red panda. i am extremely tired. i'm getting on a plane again tomorrow. there's been thunder, there's been flashing lights. we all hid out in the safeway entrance, me and everyone in calgary. until bicycle man came in with the scaring-the-hoes energy asking if we were all waiting the bus. seemed innocent enough, but it cleared everyone out in a rush. and i'm getting on a plane again tomorrow. to Vancouver this time. it was so nice to see Ivy and Beano.